My whole life, I have craved independence. On my first day of kindergarten, I skipped off to the bus without a backward glance to my parents. The minute I got my driver’s license, I found any excuse to be out on my own. I started working at 15 years old because I craved having money that was all mine. When I turned 18, I was planning trips to foreign countries, spending full days out of the house, and forgetting to discuss any of it with my parents. There is nothing I take bigger pride in than something I did on my own.
As a college student, I dread going home and having to share a car with my sister or check in with my parents when I want to do something. Call it control issues, but I think I just have an itch to be independent that nothing could scratch. Maybe I inherited the itch from my mother and her independent spirit, or it might have come naturally, but one thing about me is I will never sacrifice my independence. Whether you would call it an ick or a pet peeve, my independent nature is why I absolutely cannot stand a clingy boyfriend.
This is my piece on clingy partners and why I will never deal with one. I guess you could say 4 reasons why I stand on business.
1. I Can’t deal with a Control Freak.
My biggest pet peeve is a man who thinks he has the right to control where I go, what I do, and how I look doing it. One thing about me, is if a man tells me I cannot go out with my friends or shouldn’t do certain things with them, I will do them anyway out of spite. Now, this may not be my most attractive trait, but if a man is trying to control what I do because of other guys who may be there, RED FLAG ALERT. I think that says a lot more about him than it says about me. I have heard stories about men trying to control what their girlfriends wear, and that really fires me up. No one gets to decide how much skin I show or comment on which curves are apparent. If I feel confident in an outfit, why wouldn’t I wear it?
2. Green with jealousy is an instant turn-off.
I have never been the jealous type, so jealousy is one thing that I can’t stand coming from my partner. The way I see it, if I haven’t given my partner a reason to be jealous, then they don’t have a reason to be jealous. If someone doesn’t feel confident and secure in a relationship, why are they in it? If choosing to spend time with another person upsets my boyfriend, then why is he my boyfriend? Besides my family, my friends are the most important people in my life, and I will not be that person who ghosts their friends for their boyfriend.
The girl/guy best friend drama has also never made sense to me. If my friendship with my guy best friend is causing problems in my relationship, RED FLAG #2. From personal experience, I can confirm that it is very much possible to be “just friends” with a guy, so the societal problem with this boy/girl friendship seems pretty outdated. Plus, why is someone’s friendship with another person ever a bad thing? Why is that a cause of jealousy? If you ask me, I think that says a lot more about the person who is jealous and a lot less about the partner in question.
3. THE Premature L bomb.
Hypothetically of course, if a boyfriend told me he loved me a week into our relationship, I cannot even imagine how I would react. No idea what I would say or what I would do, because I would be in a state of shock. I would be speechless. If he then continued to say the L-word even though I told him I wasn’t there yet, and he got mad every time I didn’t say it back, I don’t think the relationship would last much longer.
I am absolutely not against reassurance or words of affirmation, but a constant need for it screams insecurity to me. I am a pretty affectionate person to the people I love, but a push for it will only push me away. No one should have to be giving constant time and reassurance for their partner to know they care about them. Being in the relationship should be reassuring enough. Personally, I would never do something I didn’t want to do, so if I am in a relationship, it is because I want to be. No reassurance or L-word should be rushed or forced in order to prove I care.
4. I’m OverwhelmeD!
The point of a relationship is to combine two worlds, not to make mine someone else’s. I do not need or want a relationship where it becomes more of a burden than an improvement to my life. A girl needs her space and I love my independence. I do not want to be on my phone all day trying to keep up with a constant conversation. I have goals, dreams, and long to-do lists every day. I do not have the time nor the energy to be in a relationship where I am never alone. In fact, I can’t imagine how anyone else could.
As a student athlete, I am a busy girl. I don’t have the capability to be texting all day let alone seeing someone every day. I am without my phone for many hours at a time so I cannot deal with a clingy texter. Needing someone’s constant presence screams insecurity to me. If a guy needs to know where I am, what I am doing, and who I am with, all that tells me is he doesn’t trust me. Trust is so important in a relationship, and I could never be in one without it.
I am a relationship girl through and through, but relationships aren’t what they should be. The lack of trust and independence in relationships now is bothersome to me because a relationship shouldn’t be another notch on a todo list. Relationships should make our lives better, add joy to our lives, and be a connection to another person that we want to last forever. They should be our biggest supporters and who we trust and can confide in the most. We should be able to still have our independence and freedom to be ourselves with the added bonus of a partner who loves us.