Content Warning: Mental Health and Substance Abuse
I was diagnosed with bipolar two and borderline personality disorder. I was diagnosed in my second semester of college in 2021. I first attended therapy in 2019, and I was an angsty teenager with mood swings and alcohol addiction. My journey with my therapist consisted of goal setting and positive affirmations; this didn’t help because I was clinging onto my dear life, trying to stay alive as much as possible. I didn’t have many friends my senior year of high school and began to drink as a coping mechanism. I surprisingly passed my senior year of high school and got into a couple of colleges. That’s where I started my journey with Wells and got sober out of the fact that I was leaving. I started swimming again and thought everything was better, so I stopped attending therapy and cut off my therapist.
Things went downhill from there, and I became depressed, severely manic, and began to think about drinking again. I started my first medication, Wellbutrin or Bupropion, an antidepressant that helps relieve depressive episodes. I wasn’t diagnosed with bipolar yet, so this medication made me more depressed and made my manic episodes more constant. Surprise, you’re not supposed to give someone diagnosed with bipolar something that will make them more depressed. Anyways, I started experiencing flushing of the face as well and stopped taking it. I began my journey with medication again in January of 2021, and here’s where everything went a little chaotic. I began Lamitical, and my mood swings worsened, and I started having mixed episodes.
I eventually went off of that and was promised by my psychiatrist that things would get better with Abilify; I started having hallucinations and began using other substances to sleep again. I eventually got so bad I had to go to a Partial Hospitalization Program in June of 2021. I finally got the proper treatment and started the meds that have saved my life since.
The advice I’d give to those seeking help when it comes to medication is to advocate for themselves. There will be times when your psychiatrist takes the wrong plan of action, and you need to say no. Sometimes the unknown is good when it comes to meds, but most times, it’s terrifying. You know your body the best, so when something doesn’t feel right, get help right away. Unfortunately, you might run into psychiatrists that want to pump you with a bunch of meds but knowing what’s suitable for you and your body is what’s most important. It shouldn’t be so hard to get better, but sometimes it is. Once you get the right course of treatment, nothing stops you from there.