Why is it when we describe people we always go to their body? Descriptions like, “that skinny girl”, “fat one”, “short one”, or “tall one” are always rolling off our tongues. These kinds of words we use to describe people are damaging. Does this mean we see people and their characteristics as solely their body? Why do we feel the need to comment on people’s bodies and what they are doing with them? Some people may see it as a compliment but not everyone feels that way. A lot of people don’t want to be equated to or characterized by their body.
There’s this idea that when people start going to the gym, you should comment on how their body changes. Or when someone gains weight they want to hear anything about it. We should stop looking at what people choose to eat or do with their bodies and judging. There’s a difference between being supportive and minimizing people to physical attributes. If your friend starts hitting the gym instead of saying “you’re getting thin”, or “really fit,” try saying something that pertains to them. For example, “I’m glad you found a way to destress!” or “I’m glad you’re doing what’s making you happy”, or “I’m proud of you for deciding to change a part of your lifestyle”. Plus, not everyone who goes to the gym is trying to change their body – some people really just like the gym. It’s a way to release stress and give them more energy. Those acts then become about their body rather than their ways of coping, feeling better, or their mental health. This can become a damaging mindset that the gym is solely for staying in shape or getting thinner.
There’s nothing wrong with hyping your friends up! However, there are better ways and things to say!
People see their changes and know their body more than anyone else. It’s not okay to micromanage your friends or family on the things they decide to do with their body. From the clothes they wear to the food they eat, the exercises they choose, or sex they have. You don’t know why they’re doing it, so to assume those things can defeat people and what they chose to do.
Instead of saying your ass, boobs or legs looks good. Maybe talk about their intelligence, personality or strength.
For some reason in this culture, we always comment on things that can change and don’t pertain to us.
If one day your friend is comfortable with you commenting on her ass, that doesn’t mean she will the next day. If you and your friends are comfortable with those comments and have discussed that then, by all means, hype your friend up!
If someone is specifically asking you to comment on their body in a certain way, you’re putting that decision into their hands. If someone says they are skinny or fat, that doesn’t mean you reply with “no, you’re beautiful.” This just reiterates that bodies are equal to beauty. Sometimes when people say these things, they don’t always want you to say something back. There are people that are okay with those characteristics for themselves. You don’t need to denounce or agree with the way they characterize themselves.
This obsessive culture around the body is why issues like rape, violence, catcalling, toxicity, and mental health issues persist. One of the first things the doctor does is weigh you and then using that number they make judgments about your habits and choices, and it’s not always the truth. People do not want to be policed by their bodies. They like to attribute the word “too” to everything. You’re too fat, too skinny, too pretty, too ugly, too unhealthy, drink too much coffee, eat too much salad, or drink too much alcohol. This makes people feel like they’re “too much,” which continues this cycle of not being good enough or that you need to change based on others opinions.
With that said, I hope this can help someone cultivate a better relationship with their body, family and friends. Little changes go a long way. You are not too much of anything. Heal, grow and treat your body the way it feels good for you in that time and place. Don’t let others denounce or defeat you. TRUST the process for yourself and loved ones.