I remember being told that college was the place where I would figure out who I am, so when I came to college, I devoted all of my energy to finding my sense of self. Now I’m at the end of my sophomore year and I’m still feeling pretty lost. After putting so much energy into trying to find something that I just couldn’t find, I found myself feeling pretty discouraged as if I hadn’t accomplished much if I haven’t managed to find a fixed sense of identity. Only recently have I made the realization that identity will never be fixed, but is rather something that is always evolving. Since this realization, I have been approaching my life with the lens that every day I am a new person. Of course, I’m the same person, but my body is different than it was yesterday, my mind has grown from recent experiences, and my being is constantly adapting to the present moment. What held my old self back does not have to hold back who I am now. I am not who I was yesterday. My identity will never be fixed, but will be forever evolving… and that’s okay.
Approaching my life with this newly found mindset has shifted my understanding of myself in a way that allows me to truly accept the things that I don’t quite understand. It has helped me realize that some things aren’t meant to be completely understood, and that’s okay. Identity is one of those things. It’s misleading, as the entire concept of identity is something that we expect would help us understand ourselves. However, when we become too focused on it, when we try to fixate ourselves to our idea of what we should be, we lose ourselves. Identity can be so loose, and in a way can be something that isn’t and will never be known.
The unknown is something that I haven’t quite accepted but know I need to. We aren’t always going to know everything. We aren’t always going to have a full understanding of ourselves. We may never be fixed to an identity that we’re satisfied with. But that’s okay. You’re evolving into yourself. You’re exactly where you need to be.