I didn’t really learn about myself in sex-education; as a woman and as a lesbian, I was left out of the curriculum. In the Western school system, my high school sex-ed was mainly abstinence- based (and come on- we know that doesn’t work. People have sex, so why don’t we teach people how to do it safely?). We were advised to not have sex at all, but if we did, we should make sure the man was wearing a condom.
But what about me? How can I have safe sex that doesn’t involve penetration? CAN I have sex without penetration? (Of course, I can, because I wasn’t taught that). What about safe oral sex? Why didn’t I know about dental dams until college?
We briefly discussed sex within the LGBTQ community, but it was not nearly as emphasized as heterosexual sex. But I still didn’t learn anything; when homosexuality was mentioned, it was taught through stigmas, such as AIDS being a gay disease (which it’s not).
It’s really hard to find yourself when you’re not taught about yourself.
It wasn’t just sex that I was lacking the knowledge of, but I didn’t understand my body itself
When I got my period I was taught to keep it a secret. Why am I taught that something my body did naturally was socially unacceptable?
I was told not to have sex, so when I did, I didn’t feel comfortable seeking resources. I was ashamed.
I was taught that the sex I was having wasn’t valid because it didn’t involve a penis. Am I not valid enough to be given appropriate resources?
We were never taught general respect for bodies, whether that be our own bodies or others’ bodies. Consent was not accurately explained by those who were supposed to be educating us.
We’ve been taught not to talk about these “taboo” things, but we’ve got to talk about it and without any shame. The reality is that people have sex, so we need to learn how to do it safely. This means the elimination of abstinence-only education. This means normalizing sex within the LGBTQ community. This means emphasizing consent and being clear on what consent is. Sexual-education needs to have standards that teach us what we know. Our parents shouldn’t be able to censor us from our own bodies by opting us out of sex-ed. We need to learn how to have safe-sex rather than being told not to have sex. It needs to include those who fall outside of the gender and/or sexuality norms, because we matter, too. But if sex ed has failed you, remember you’re not a failure. Your existence is valid even if you’re not included in the curriculum. You’re not wrong for having sex. You’re not wrong for the natural things your body does.