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Sex + Relationships

Coming to Terms with being Grey-Asexual

This past week has been very hard for me because I’ve been struggling to figure out who I am. It wasn’t until recently that I discovered a whole new sexuality called Grey-Asexuality and finally found a label that truly expressed how I’ve been feeling all my life.


Grey-Asexuality is on the spectrum of Asexuality but being Grey-Asexual means that I’m somewhere in between being sexual and asexual (not being sexual or desiring sex at all).


Grey-Asexuality or Grey-A is when a person rarely experiences sexual attraction or they want to act on it, meaning I could experience sexual attraction but not want to act on it. 


Finally understanding that I was Grey-A, and have been most of my life, was hard for me. I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for over six years now and he’s a sexual being but I was never up to that level of being sexual. Sometimes yes, I would love to have that kind of intimate sex with him but, mostly, snuggling is best for me.


I’m thankful to have a partner who understands how I feel and won’t pressure me into having unwanted sex. But, it’s hard after being one way for over six years. I discovered a part of myself that I was denying for so long and it’s finally making me feel better about my emotions when it comes to sex.


I know labels shouldn’t be the “be all, end all” when it comes to expressing yourself, but it really helped me in this circumstance. I’m understanding myself in a way I haven’t before and I can breathe knowing that I don’t have to be the sexualized being that I was trying to make myself all my life. 


Having sex is okay. Not having sex is okay. It just took me twenty-one years to figure this out; I hope it doesn’t take you as long.


My name is Parker Howell. I love to spend my time writing (mostly poetry) and cuddling with my cat when he's not biting me. I'm majoring in Creative Writing at Wells College so writing is a major influence in my life. I love cacti, corgis, and chai tea.
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