Teaser: Outgrowing friends is okay!
Have you ever met up with an old friend after a while and realized that there is nothing to talk about because you don’t have anything in common anymore? I know I have, and I found that this began shortly after embarking on my postsecondary journey, because life changed drastically. Not only was I consumed by academic pressure and my first big-girl job, but I also began planning my future. The days of seeing your best friends on a regular basis and having endless time to talk to them as a carefree high school student are unfortunately over, and we must begin prioritizing and putting all of our energy into our futures. As we get older, maintaining meaningful relationships can be difficult, as we begin to learn more about ourselves and what we value in our relationships, whether that be romantic or platonic. Because we are all developing independently and in different ways, unfortunately, many friendships don’t last.Â
This is not to say that your past friendships were not meaningful or real, but as we change, so do our relationships. I personally have gone home after meeting up with an old friend and instead of feeling fulfilled and nostalgic, I felt drained and exhausted. Making small talk with someone I used to spend every waking moment with was a weird feeling, which is when I realized that the friendships that I thought I would last forever, might not. It can be hard to let go of comfortable and long-term friendships because although you may deeply care for them, the friendship just might not be serving you in the same way it once did. If you are holding onto a friendship because of the history behind it, rather than the current connection, you might want to consider whether or not it’s worth holding onto.Â
It is important to remember that friendships should never feel obligatory, but rather fulfilling. If you notice that you might be the only one making an effort, or finding yourself not caring to make that effort, the friendship may be one-sided. Another red flag to look out for is when you don’t feel as supported by your so-called friends. I have had moments where I celebrated accomplishments in my life, and my “friends” could not even congratulate me. Instead of being able to appreciate these moments, I felt like I was always downplaying my successes because my friends made me feel as if these moments were not significant. Genuine friends want you to succeed and will celebrate your wins with you rather than dismiss them.Â
So how do you navigate friendship breakups? People often say that friendship breakups are much harder to deal with than relationship breakups, and honestly, I couldn’t agree more. In these times, it is important that you take as much time as you need to grieve the friendship you once had and realize that this is very normal. There are ways to walk away from a friendship without feeling like there’s drama. One way is to slowly distance yourself, but depending on the depth of the relationship, you may feel as if a conversation is needed. Communicating in a respectful manner with one another can bring you closure and say your goodbyes.Â
While losing friends can be difficult, remember that your life is like a book, and some people are only meant to be in specific chapters. Friendships should be easygoing, and not stressful, and if they are they might not be worth maintaining. Outgrowing friends is a reflection of your self-growth, and it means that you are putting yourself and your priorities first.Â