How do I get rid of my anxiety?
Now, let me clarify what I mean by “getting rid of” anxiety because it’s, of course, a lot more complicated than that. I just needed the hook. I know it piqued the interest of your little anxious heart, though. I’ve been there, girl.
Being an anxious person has been a lifelong challenge for me. Now, let me tell you exactly why it’s been challenging: I had no idea how to manage my anxiety. And that is the secret right there. I realized I could never make it just disappear or stifle it (which was a huge waste of my time, by the way), I had to learn how to live with it. The real nitty-gritty of this is explaining the various ways I’ve learned to cope with my anxiety, which used to be my greatest inhibitor for much of my life — and if I’m being totally transparent, sometimes still is.
- Step one was accepting that this would just forever be a part of my life.
The biggest issue I found during my journey of trying to ‘expel’ my anxiety and chase happiness was that I could never seem to just hold on to the peace for long. Then, I realized that was the point; life ebbs and flows, and I knew my anxiety was always going to be there. Yes, I will always be chasing happiness in a sense, but looking at it from a more positive and accepting perspective changed my entire outlook on life. I realized that there will never be a time when I feel constantly happy. The trick I found that helped me to not allow my worries and doubts to get the best of me was firstly, acknowledging this very truth, and secondly, refusing to care too much about feeling that way. In fact, I’ll insert an excerpt right here of what went through my mind on a regular basis.
“I feel pretty sad right now.”
“Damn, I really do feel sad right now.”
“Why am I feeling sad? Ugh! This is such an inconvenience!”
“How do I shift my mindset, right now, at this very moment, so I can escape this?”
“Great. Now I’m sad about being sad.”
Evidently, I would jump straight into trying to make myself feel better whenever those pestering thoughts would creep up into my mind. I believe there’s absolutely nothing wrong with meditating, journaling, self-talk exercises, affirmations, and all of that glorious stuff — my particular problem arose when the second I felt out of sorts, I was off to the mirror to affirm “I am happy” and “things will be fine” a thousand times.
Do people who are actually happy do that every day? Who knows. From personal experience, said methods never quite worked for me. I realized all this was doing was reinstating the fact that my reality was still the opposite and that I was still very much unhappy and anxious. What I decided to do instead was think to myself: “I feel crappy right now, but I don’t even care. I’m gonna feel crappy regardless, so I should just let things be”. Doing this has been a lot more comforting for the simple fact that I’m being gentle with myself. Dealing with my emotions, I’ve found, is much like dealing with a child; it requires consistent efforts to be patient, tolerant, and understanding of myself. Even all the parts I don’t like. It’s truly an act of pure discipline at first. This doesn’t mean that I allow my anxiety to prevent me from moving along with life, nor does it mean that I give myself a pass to project these crappy feelings onto others, just so everyone else can feel as crappy as I do — no, this means that I make efforts to veer away from beating myself up too much when sometimes I don’t handle situations in the most ideal of ways.
- Having to learn to live in the present.
For me, anxiety stems from remaining everywhere and anywhere but the present. I’m too busy worrying about what already happened, and I’m too occupied stressing about what’s to come. As an anxious person, I’ve found that the desire for control over all situations in life applies to me, and when I feel like I don’t have enough, sometimes it freaks me out. What’s funny is that the same thing I struggle with is what helps me; the fact that I only have control over my own reactions to the adversities in my life. Learning to be comfortable with not being able to control the future or ‘fix’ the past is what has helped me most to remain in the present and simply take things day by day.
What’s also crucial for me to be able to live in the moment is implementing the practice of gratitude in my everyday life. I’ve done it, and I’m sure basically every other person out there has been guilty of it at one point or another; I’ve struggled, and still do struggle with focusing on what I want more out of life, or what I should’ve been/already should be doing rather than what is already going right. These are just the cards I’ve been dealt. This is why thankfulness is something I’ve always had to practice, rather than just naturally occurring most of the time. I take time out of each day to remind myself of what I have to be happy about, and it honestly has always made everything else seem not too bad. I recommend this to all those I care about too — write it down, speak it out loud, or even repeat it in their heads. Did I feel ridiculous repeating to myself what I was grateful for each day? Initially, yes; but I testify that it is possible to train the mind into different habits.
- Nourishing my spirit and mind.
I’ll keep this last tidbit short and sweet; another habit I’ve picked up that has worked for me is using several tools like meditation, journaling, and even talking to myself. Sometimes being in my thoughts is highly beneficial. I tried a simple five-minute guided meditation on YouTube to start and slowly progressed into ten-minute ones, which turned into not even needing a guide to help me meditate. I’d get out a piece of paper and pen and start writing. Whenever I don’t feel like doing all that, I strike up a conversation with myself — I promise it’s not weird at all. I could talk to myself for hours, and I have no shame about it. Meditation, especially, has always helped me to gain a new perspective, gain more self-awareness, and surprisingly, improve my patience — which has always been thin for most of my life, by the way.
I want to unceremoniously conclude this by stating that in no way have I ‘conquered’ my anxiety, not even close. In fact, I woke up so anxious this morning about the future for absolutely no reason, and you know what I decided to do? Continue writing this article. Now, I feel a bit more regulated. Hopefully, this reaches someone, or a few people, who really need it like I needed it at a time when I was at my lowest. Battling anxiety is an everyday thing, but it doesn’t have to be so hard. I refuse to allow my anxiety to become bigger than me.