It’s incredibly terrifying yet cathartic for me to even say it out loud. This is my last finals season ever. It’s strange to think that I’m somehow considered a veteran when it comes to this stress-filled time of the year because I still remember the days when I was in high school, watching YouTube vlogs of “finals season,” dreaming and imagining what it would be like when I got there.
Well, now I’m here.
Reflecting on my chaotic roller-coaster ride of an undergraduate experience, I genuinely cannot digest the fact that I’m so close to the finish line. I’ve had countless conversations about these sentiments with friends who are also graduating, and all of us are trying our best to package our emotions neatly before the diploma officially rests in our hands. Despite this being my last finals season ever, everything feels all the more difficult. It seems as if every move I make at this point in my life is vital; that if I make one wrong turn, I’m doomed for life.
Of course, the rational part of my brain knows that’s not true. But the gnawing fear of unemployment following undergrad coupled with the piling final assignments means that I’m constantly second-guessing what I should be doing at the current moment. I’m in a state of total confusion in regards to where I want to go and the things I want to accomplish after graduation.
Simply put, I’m lost with no compass or Google Maps to help me out. As each day passes and the end of school looms closer, the stress also grows at an alarming rate. A close friend once told me that “stressing and worrying about the situation won’t change anything.” I suppose they’re right, but my brain spits out thoughts of panic without control — it’s an automatic process that I can’t seem to stop.
Even though this is a confusing and trying time in my young life, I still try my best to hang onto hope that things will be okay. I believe that the uncertainty will pass, and ten or fifteen years down the line, I’ll look back on this time and just laugh. My main goal is to find a peaceful place amidst the chaos and to learn how to ride with the waves, not against them. After all, this is the first and last time I will ever be 22, and luckily, lost in the messiness that is life.