We’ve all been there. You arrive at Phil’s, full of hopes and aspirations for that Wednesday or Sunday night. But you find the lineup is past the Campus Eyes sign and there’s some seriously power-tripping security guards patrolling either side of it. Half of your group know some mysterious “friend” who’s apparently all the way up at the bend, and the other half of your group wants to buy smokes at the Short Stop, so you decide to wait with the latter and then catch up with everyone else. Next thing you know two hours have passed and you’re cold, tired, and – worst of all – too sober for this. The night ends before midnight and involves you watching AHS back in your apartment while eating three junior chickens that you just know are going to taste terrible when you throw them up in your undeserved hangover tomorrow morning before your 8:30am lecture. So the question is, what’s the key to a good night out at Phil’s?
1. Don’t Rush the Pre
The pre is debatably the most important part of the night, because it sets the tone for the rest of the evening. It’s where you get to actually have conversations with people, enjoy as many drinks as you want, borrow your friend’s mesh crop top that you would never be able to justify buying on your own, and listen to your favourite songs without a DJ changing them every three seconds. Make sure you savour the pre, and avoid arriving at it ten minutes before you’re supposed to leave just to down three shots of Fireball without taking your shoes off.
2. And Speaking of Shoes…
Wear your absolute worst pair. Leave the heels for Night School and the leather booties for Dallas. Good thing you saved those “distressed” purple converse from grade seven.
3. Dress Warm
The wet snow is going to get through the holes of those ugly shoes you wore, so be sure to compensate with mittens, hat and a coat. Again, bring ones you aren’t fond of. You’re going to be waiting in line for a long time…
4. Unless You Get There Early (or Late)
If you really hate the Phil’s lineup (like me), you can always try arriving insanely early and avoid it altogether. Or, if you can’t get yourself together (also like me), just go super late. Some of the best night’s I’ve ever had at Phil’s started at one in the morning, after all the early-night people had left.
5. Don’t Be a Jerk in the Line
Seriously, don’t. I don’t care if you’re an insanely attractive blonde and every girl-deprived UW student on the entire block would be delighted to have you go ahead of them. By that same token, if you stepped out of line for two seconds to ask the security guard where the nearest washroom is, I’m never going to be the jerk who refuses to let you in again. Just follow the golden rule of treating others as you would want to be treated, and don’t let the alcohol make you overly aggressive. If you’re really THAT keen to get in as quickly as possible, stay on the left side of the line – being on the inside corner will give you an advantage.
6. Once You Get In: Drink, Dance, and Don’t Give a Damn
Drinks are insanely cheap, so take advantage of it and try some new shots or – better yet – get a pitcher. There’s dance poles, so take advantage of those too! In fact, maybe the only thing you don’t want to take advantage of is the constant wave of sweaty people trying to get in your pants. But hey, you do you if that’s what you want. Just don’t spend the entire night worrying about what people are going to think about your dance skills or who you’re going to hook up with. Hakuna Matata!
PS. Did we mention you can take the pitchers home??