A Biased Rating of Valentine’s Day Candy

Even though I’ve been single for every Valentine’s Day of my entire life, I really don’t have much beef with the holiday when it sneaks up on me each year. Even though it’s a corporate, materialist construct of a holiday (oof), it ultimately encourages us to show our love for each other, which can’t be the worst thing in the world.

 

 

Besides, Valentine’s Day candy is pretty freaking great.

You’ve got chocolate. You’ve got gummies. You’ve got heart-shaped everything.

 

With so many choices, it can be hard to know where to turn. Luckily for you, I’m a bit of a Valentine’s Day candy connoisseur and am willing to share some of my personal favourites (and personal no-gos) with you all. If you don’t agree with some of my ratings, I’d love to take you on in a debate. At any rate, here goes:

 

Hershey’s Kisses - 8/10

An absolutely iconic V-Day candy. Very easy to pop two or ten and not feel too guilty. Plus, at this time of year, you can find so many different fun flavours and versions of them.

 

Conversation Hearts - 9/10

Nothing gets me going like a tiny, chalky, heart-shaped candy that says FAX ME. There’s a bunch of different colours which kind of correspond to flavours, but not in an in-your-face way. Would be 10/10 but I ate too many of these one time and wasn’t impressed with the results.

 

Cinnamon Hearts - 7/10

I personally love cinnamon, but I’ll admit, these can be too much sometimes. Perfect if you want to feel like a fire-breathing dragon. Not ideal if you want to have to explain to people that you’re not crying over a relationship, but rather the pure spicy heat of cinnamon hearts.

 

Reese’s Peanut Butter Hearts - 12/10

Yes. Reese’s has me wrapped around their finger for life. Even if they were to jack their prices up 1000%, you know that I’d still be out here stuffing myself silly with their beautiful choco-PB treats.

 

 

Red, Pink, and White Candy Corn - -5/10

If you have never seen or tasted the horror that is Valentine’s Day candy corn, consider yourself grateful. Chaotic evil in candy form.

 

Heart-Shaped Suckers - 6/10

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll never pass up on one of these cherry-flavoured lollipops, but it’s all relative. There are better things out there, and you deserve better. You’ve come a long way since Valentine’s Day in elementary school, so show it.

 

Red, White, and Pink Smarties - 5/10

You can’t fool me, Nestle. There’s no difference in flavour between these and the regular ones. All I taste is a whole lot of colouring and betrayal.

 

Fortunately for you, there’s so many more types of Valentine’s candy, chocolate, and treats out there that I couldn’t get to. So hit up your local Wal-Mart or Bulk Barn and check them out for yourself. Happy snacking!

 

 

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