Coming of age, as a genre, has always held a special place in my heart. Many of the books, films and TV shows that resonate with me the most are the ones that tell the story of that small but seemingly never-ending expanse of time between adolescence and adulthood: the stories about losing and then finding yourself, finding a new home, learning how to love and lose, and all the other moments of joy, sadness, guilt, and hope that come with growing up. As someone who’s still walking that fragile line of teenage contradictions, coming-of-age stories are the ones that I’m most seen by ― the ones that tend to leave a certain ache behind—that strange, hollowed-out feeling of being known.
So, without further ado, here are three of my favourite coming of age films, in no particular order.
1. PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER
“I know these will all be stories someday. And our pictures will become old photographs. We’ll all become somebody’s mom or dad. But right now these moments are not stories. This is happening. I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite.”
― Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower, 2012)
I felt the need to start with a Tumblr classic, as an ode to my middle-school self ― when you couldn’t scroll five minutes without seeing “We accept the love we think we deserve” on your feed. The Perks of Being a Wallflower is the first movie that comes to mind when I think of the coming of age genre. This film follows 15-year-old Charlie as he navigates his freshman year of high school while suffering from PTSD. It’s a story about feeling lonely even in a crowded room and learning how to be present in your own life. The Perks of Being a Wallflower explores first-time love and friendships, whilst dealing with trauma, death, and healing. Maybe it’s the charm with which Logan Lerman plays Charlie, or the timeless nature of the story, but this is a movie that never gets old, and has managed to be a rare exception to my general “the book is always better” rule of thumb.
Content warning: referenced childhood sexual assault and suicide.
2. LADY BIRD
Sister Sarah Joan: You clearly love Sacramento.
Lady Bird: I do?
Sister Sarah Joan: You write about Sacramento so affectionately and with such care.
Lady Bird: I was just describing it.
Sister Sarah Joan: Well it comes across as love.
Lady Bird: Sure, I guess I pay attention.
Sister Sarah Joan: Don’t you think maybe they are the same thing? Love and attention?
― Greta Gerwig (Lady Bird, 2017)
Lady Bird is a story about a love-hate relationship between a mother and a daughter, and a girl and her hometown. Lady Bird is a flawed protagonist: selfish at times and generous at others, which is part of what makes her so relatable. Perfect for those who have recently had the experience of packing their entire life into cardboard boxes and moving out of their childhood home, this film follows the emotional highs and lows of Lady Bird’s senior year of high school: her desire to “live through something,” and get out of her small town in Sacramento. It’s also a painful depiction of all the ways mothers and daughters hurt each other; all the big arguments and deafening silences, and a love so tangled up that we sometimes forget it’s there ― a love so big we can’t look it in the eye. The movie manages to capture that delicate balance between resentment and affection: being frustrated and bored of the people and places you grew up with, whilst simultaneously loving them because you don’t know how to do anything else.
3. THE HALF OF IT
“Love isn’t patient, and kind, and humble. Love is messy, and horrible, and selfish, and bold. It’s not finding your perfect half. It’s the trying, and reaching, and failing. Love is being willing to ruin your good painting for the chance at a great one.”
― Alice Wu (The Half of It, 2020)
The Half of It is one of my favourite hidden gems on Netflix, and once again perfect for those that have just graduated or are about to graduate high school. The protagonist, Ellie Chu, doesn’t quite believe in the happily-ever-after kind of love. But, through an unexpected friendship with a football player and a romance-via-love-letter with one of the most popular girls in school, she finds, in the end, people are more alike than they are different. The Half of It is a beautiful story about teenagers aching to get out of the small town they were raised in, despite what’s expected of them. It’s about potential and living up to it, and the disconnect between what you want and what the world wants from you. From a selfless daughter ready to make all the sacrifices she needs to; and a father who only wants more for her; to a friend willing to run after your train; and a girl who inspires you to be the boldest you can be ― The Half of It explores the million different ways that love manifests itself in our lives.
These are just some of the films that have helped me navigate my teenage years, and made me feel less alone in growing up ― and I can only hope they provide some sort of comfort to you as well. Happy watching!