This year, I fell in love for the first time ever. To be honest, I was completely not expecting it; we were good friends for several months before anything happened, so I just assumed we were in the friendzone (and boy, was I wrong). Long story short, I ended up putting my naivety and anxiety aside and began to finally realize how I truly felt about him after weeks of denial. Now here I am, in love and happier than ever — who would’ve thought?
The journey of our relationship wasn’t always simple, though. Since I was notoriously inexperienced when it came to relationships, I had to learn a lot of lessons about falling in love — and I’m still learning every day. I’m here to pass along some of those lessons to you, single or not, in order to shine a light on some aspects of falling love that people don’t really discuss.
- Don’t ignore your feelings.
-
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.
As I mentioned before, I blatantly ignored my feelings for so long, and all it did was confuse me and heighten my anxiety. I remember constantly thinking to myself, “We’re just friends; a relationship wouldn’t work out,” even though I really did want to be more than friends. Taking a step forward was all I would think about when we were together, and I knew he felt the same way. But then I’d start to think about my other friend’s horrible one-week relationship with a guy she had previously been friends with, and I’d use it as an example of why staying friends is the better bet. “It was a disaster for her and she lost a good friend; don’t let that happen to you,” I’d proceed to tell myself.
Why was I so scared? Simple: we were best friends prior to dating, so I was scared to lose someone I cared for so deeply. But fear is a wasted emotion; it was him who told me to stop following my head and start listening to my heart (and believe me, at this point, my heart would have shouted at me if it could). Only then was I able to finally say to myself, “Okay, I love this boy, and I know it’ll be a big step, but I’m ready to start delving deeper into our relationship.” In short, just remember that your heart is telling you something for a reason.
- Don’t settle for less than what you deserve.
-
This isn’t necessarily a lesson I learned from my own struggles, but I have seen it with countless friends. I know lots of girls who are currently pining after someone who doesn’t want a relationship (AKA they’d rather just hook up), or someone who just doesn’t appreciate them at all. But no matter how badly the guy treats them, these girls cannot let go and move on.
You deserve a guy who wants to be with you; someone who will love you like there is nobody else in the world. I’m sorry to say this, but the guy you’ve been hooking up with is probably not that guy, especially if he has blatantly expressed to you that he’s not looking for anything serious. Don’t just settle for someone who doesn’t truly appreciate you. If you keep looking, you’ll find someone who’s on the same page as you.
- Love means more than just romance.
-
For the longest time, I was that annoying girl who complained about being single. I’d secretly get jealous of my friends who were in long-term relationships and think, “Why can’t that be me?”. Don’t get me wrong, it can be really hard seeing others in happy relationships while you’re single, and it’s easy to get envious. But what they aren’t showing is how much work continually goes into a relationship. It’s safe to say I didn’t realize how intense love can be; perhaps I wouldn’t have gone around complaining if I did understand what a relationship really means.
The person you love should be your best friend. They should be the person who knows you the best, and the person you can talk to about anything. You should put all of your trust in each other and remain loyal no matter how unpredictable or crazy things get. It goes without saying that these are difficult things to do, especially if you have been let down before, but being in love can surely be daunting sometimes. It’s important to understand that these are all components of love before going around exclaiming that you “need a boyfriend” like I used to.
- Be patient! If it can happen to me, it can happen to you.
-
I don’t like to use the word “picky” when it comes to my choice of romantic partners — I like to think that I’m just reaching for what I deserve — but in layman’s terms, I guess you could say that I’m the kind of person to only want to date a pretty high standard of men. On top of that, I had all of these preconceived notions about love that I learned growing up, which completely messed up my perception of relationships. And besides my father and sister, I was always the first person to say that men are horrible and only want sex. So what I’m trying to say here is: I had all of these incorrect beliefs about love and yet I was still able to find it. And if I can, you can too. All you have to do is be authentic and put yourself out there.
If you still haven’t found your “person” yet, do not be discouraged; it can and will happen to you. Don’t be pressured by society to find someone; once you do, you will know when it’s right. I know everyone says this, but it’s true: just be yourself and you’d be surprised how fast an opportunity for love may come along.