As a campus tour guide here at the University of Washington, I’m not going to lie: I want to be a comedian. Talking about Suzzallo Graduate Library, but more specifically, the Starbucks line, really gets those ears perked on my tour. I might add to my spiel that Suzzallo is “also home to the world’s longest Starbucks line.” And while that might not be statistically true, it definitely feels like it (and this joke gets the people laughing, boosting my ego and their tour experience, win-win). However, every UW student needs to waste their afternoon waiting for their drink in this line. It is simply a must: Suzzallo’s Starbucks, which has been ranked one of the “12 Starbucks stores that are at the top of the class” in a recent Starbuck Stories article, has beautiful gothic architecture similar to that of the historic library, as well as fabulous music, lovely student baristas, comfy chairs, and mood lighting.
I do not know much about astrology, nor do I believe it, but I thought it would be fun to compile a list of each sun sign and what drink they are likely to get based on my personal experience. Please enjoy, and maybe you will find a drink to order next time you go to Starbucks.
Aries: Cold brew coffee with 2 pumps mocha sauce, 4 pumps peppermint syrup, and a splash of almond milk. As your resident Aries, who was voted most likely to be your boss in 8th grade, I believe that this is the most girlboss drink one can get at Starbucks. The peppermint syrup brings the warm feelings of the holidays any time of the year, and the straight caffeine brings out the adventurous and daring nature of the Aries. However, if the 2 extra pumps of mocha sauce takes too long, the impatient Aries’ routine will be messed up for the rest of the day. Proceed with caution.
Taurus: Dirty chai latte with oat milk. Taurus individuals are earthy and unique, a bit like this combo between coffee and tea. Perfect for the Taurus who likes to go on long strolls with their thoughts in the morning and be able to reflect on how scrumptious the warm drink is in their hand. They have good taste in almost every aspect of their lives, and their favorite coffee is no exception to this. A hint of cinnamon spice on top would be a lovely additional treat as well. And maybe a scone, or just whatever pastry you may fancy.
Gemini: Strawberry acai refresher with lemonade, probably a venti. Geminis are typically flexible but not when it comes to their favorite drink that they have been getting every afternoon since middle school. Those with Gemini as their astrological sun will charm everyone at that Starbucks as they are waiting for their order, and somehow end up with an entire new network of friends before exiting the store.
Cancer: Iced mocha with whole milk, but they asked for soy milk because of lactose intolerance. The Cancer, however, would not ask the barista to fix the drink because that would cause too many issues, so they complain to their friend instead. This mocha is a subtle hint of coffee, subtle hint of chocolate, clear overload of ice. Perfect for the cancer who need the caffeine to continue on with their moodiness, but without the taste of coffee.
Leo: None – a Leo would ask the cashier to make their favorite drink because this star sign likes to be at the center of attention. Specifically, two of my closest friends from different points in my life are both Leos, and every time I go to Starbucks with either of them, they each have the barista prepare a random drink. This fuels their spontaneity and sense of adventure, as well as makes it clear to everyone else in line that they are indeed special. Stubborn, pretentious, and an ounce of self-centeredness, the Leo needs the thrill to make their days seem worthwhile.
Virgo: Pumpkin spice latte, extra shot. Pumpkin is perfect for these late August, early September babies as the season transitions to autumn. This drink has such a warm feeling to it; the latte is almost indulgent, like the Virgo. PSLs often brings about a lot of controversy on social media, but there is not a single Virgo who has not had their own share of controversies, too. And, Virgos are notorious for their stomach problems – maybe ask for non-dairy milk to avoid complications later in the day?
Libra: Vanilla latte with oat milk. This hot drink is a real charmer, just like the Libra. The most delightful and intellectual Starbucks order I could think of, purchasing this at the Suzzallo Starbucks and proceeding to study in the Harry Potter Reading Room would be the perfect weekday afternoon. Warm and cozy, and a great choice if you are indecisive like every Libra in my life. Overall, a wonderful option if you want to feel sophisticated.
Scorpio: Matcha latte with two pumps of chai and a splash of almond milk. Mysterious and nonconformist, the Scorpio wants to be different. The chai and matcha combo brings out their down-to-earth nature, but somehow packs a powerful punch of energy once they finish the drink. This would be best served with a coffee cake or pumpkin loaf, dependent on the season. Try it warm or over ice, but don’t share this drink – like everything else, the Scorpio likes to gatekeep it.
Sagittarius: Java chip frappuccino. This frappuccino is coffee – but it is a useless drink. The Sagittarius would purchase an overpriced drink to flaunt their unique choice with too much confidence. They would also judge you for your drink, and you would definitely hear about it. To top it off, these individuals would get the extra long straw to fuel their superiority complex. Bonus points if the Sagittarius is a heterosexual man who adds proteins powder to his java chip frappuccino. Not witnessed first-hand at all.
Capricorn: Any decaf drink. The Capricorn goes to Starbucks for the aesthetic of going to Starbucks. On their grind 24/7 and sensible, these individuals need a little treat to get their mood up before another long workday. Capricorns have a routine – they will be out the door of their local chain at 8:07 AM prompt decaf after saying hello to the loyal regulars, of course. This is also their only social interaction for the day.
Aquarius: Passion fruit iced tea with honey. Every Aquarius in my life is emotionally detached from others, and I think the extra honey would encourage them to pursue the art of listening. This iced tea is a bit of an obscure choice, especially during the colder seasons. However, it is the upscale version of drinking a juice box at elementary school recess. I think the Aquarius’ innate childish tendencies and pure optimism align well with the passion fruit iced tea.
Pisces: Any frappuccino. With full confidence and Aries bias, Pisces are the most problematic sign. Why, you may ask? Because they try so hard to be unproblematic that it becomes a problem. They would ask for a double chocolate chip frappuccino and proceed to request that it be made with the most unconventional ingredients. The Pisces would be a bit oblivious to what they are asking the barista to do, but they would also be empathetic and compassionate when it takes more than 15 minutes for the drink to come out. However, all Pisces slander is accepted here.
Regardless of your astrological sign, definitely use this list the next time you need a new drink to order. I will never get tired of my Aries cold brew, but sometimes I just like to explore my options. Maybe I, too, will become a Libra vanilla latte girl from now on?