I joined Instagram in middle school. All evidence of this has been erased to the best of my ability, but I was there.
I was there for the intense filters with too much vignette and cringey captions. I was there when the Instagram logo was brown and there was no shopping feature.
In retrospect, I wish I never would have joined, at least not so young.
I remember begging my parents to let me get an Instagram and Facebook, and at the ripe age of 13, they finally said yes. I don’t blame them for their lapse in judgement. They didn’t know any better.
Since about 2014, I have been active on Instagram. For the last couple of years, I have been deleting the app off of my phone to keep myself from scrolling endlessly.
Typically I go a month or two without having the app on my phone, and then I cave for one reason or another- desperate for that rush. Sometimes I go on just to post something and leave- which doesn’t even make any sense.
Who is this for exactly? My 6 friends? My ‘followers’? The people I hardly speak to? When I break it down I suddenly feel empty and stupid.
Never have I felt so damaged by an app. My mental state feels worlds better even after a single day without it. Instagram begs you to compare yourself to an idealized snapshot of a person, and it’s been taking a toll.
I often find myself comparing myself to others more and more on the app. I actively loathe my life in comparison to others.
“Why aren’t I as pretty, or skinny, or fashionable? I wish I could travel more. I wish I was rich. If I were rich I wouldn’t buy such an ugly designer bag! I wish I could afford that jacket.”
It’s the classic stuff that’s been talked about over and over; social media makes you depressed.
We can go on and on about the benefits of community, how it connects small businesses to customers, helps propel important political movements- but in the end, it’s draining. The human brain wasn’t designed to take so much stimulation.
As much as I think I enjoy Instagram, with the shiny new things always a click away, I know in my heart that it’s no good for me.
To be perfectly honest, I’m a little worried that I’m addicted to Instagram. I said that I deleted the app off of my phone- but let’s not forget the online option. Every single day without fail I check Instagram on my laptop. It’s borderline embarrassing!
Even after this long article about how it makes my brain scream the bridge to “jealousy, jealousy” by Olivia Rodrigo till I’m uber sad and scrolling the hours away, I’m still not going to delete my account!
Maybe one day I’ll bring myself to delete it, and with it my chronic comparisons and longing to be perfect, but that day is not today.
So… follow for follow?