What We Can Learn From Selena Gomez’s ‘Lose You to Love Me’

Ladies, it happened. Selena Gomez is BACK and she is THRIVING! After taking a hiatus from music to focus on herself, Selena Gomez has blessed the world with not one, but two new singles that she began writing over a year ago– ‘Lose You to Love Me’ and ‘Look at Her Now’. I don’t know about you, but in my humble opinion, her song ‘Lose You to Love Me’ authentically captures the essence of heartbreak. From unveiling the emotions of anger and happiness to frustration and acceptance, this song exposes an honest truth about love: it doesn’t always lead to the happy fairytale ending we envision. 

Her opening lyrics “You promised the world and I fell for it” affirm the relatable scenario of being blinded by the enchanting possibilities that a new love interest offers. Oftentimes, it is easy to fantasize a future with someone that we care about. I mean who wouldn’t want to think about the possibilities of falling in love love? However the issue with this type of thinking is that we often opt to ignore the underlying negatives of our significant other or the relationship itself. When Selena admits, “this dancing was killing me softly,” she is referring to losing herself within her relationship. It is always toxic to begin losing a sense of who you are, what you want, and what you value while in a relationship. You should never have to compromise on the core features of what makes you you

Typically, it can be pretty easy to spot when things start to go sour in a relationship, but due to our natural tendency to cling onto our glorified perceptions of what we have with our significant other, it makes being honest about our issues appear nearly impossible. Unfortunately, this tendency to ignore our issues will only fuel self-doubt, unnecessary stress, and overall discontent. During her healing process, she divulges that her ex replaced her in two months and even made her think that she “deserved it in the thick of healing.” No matter what you have been through, what your ex has said or failed to say, or what your significant other has done that hurt you beyond repair, remember this: no individual deserves to undergo more pain in addition to the natural heartache that comes with a breakup. Period. If you experienced a similar scenario to being replaced in a questionable framework of time, know that you didn’t and NEVER will deserve that. 

Thankfully, her staple line, “I needed to lose you to love me” sheds light on a profound realization she made: in order to move on, she needed to let go of her past–even if it meant letting go of the man she once loved. This acceptance is highlighted in her verse, “And now it’s goodbye, it’s goodbye for us." When you experience a breakup it’s vital to remember that a goodbye to one person doesn’t mean goodbye for your future opportunities to love and be loved. It merely means that that individual simply was not the one. And as painful as it might be to admit that in the midst of a breakup, with time you will realize that it happened for a reason. After recently going through a breakup, these lyrics not only made the wave of emotions I experienced a few months ago feel validated, but supported. It’s never fun experiencing a breakup. It hurts. You are probably going to feel the pain and sadness for a bit of time, and that’s perfectly okay. Overall, I am here to tell you that you are not alone, you will get through it, and by the end hopefully you will realize that the most important kind of love you can give and cling onto unapologetically is the one you give to yourself.