As I am approaching my six-month anniversary with my first real boyfriend it has got me reminiscing about all the things I have learned about relationships and about myself. So to celebrate, here are the 6 things I have learned in my first real relationship. Here’s to many months more.
1. Turns Out, Some Men AREN’T Trash.
This one was the hardest to unlearn.
Part of the reason I never had a real boyfriend before was that I never made it past the ‘talking stage’ with a guy because they treated me so poorly. It doesn’t help that everyone is always in my ear all the time that men are terrible, horrible creatures who will treat you poorly or cheat on you. Now, this may have some truth to it, and I believe in having high standards, but I think finding the right person is about finding the diamond in the rough. It’s about giving people a chance, and leaving them when they don’t put in the effort. He calls when he says he will, never leaves me waiting, and always tells me the truth. He is certainly not without faults, be he doesn’t play games and I trust him completely. What I truly learned is not that men aren’t trash, it is to trust my gut, follow my heart and never settle. The wait was worth it.
2. Sex is Cool.
That’s it.
3. You Have to be There for Your S.O. When It’s Not Fun
Don’t get wrong, I never expected it to always be sunshine and roses, but I never fully conceptualized that in friendships, you don’t have the expectation of always showing up when it’s hard. In real relationships, if you don’t show up when things get difficult, you don’t have a real relationship. If you are only present for the cozy movie nights, or when they make you a beautiful charcuterie board, you don’t have a strong partnership, you just have a companion to do activities with.
Just last week I accompanied him to Urgent Care and to the E.R. (and I thought helping him move was a task). That being said, to be perfectly honest, I love him so much that I don’t mind doing all the ‘unfun’ stuff. The beauty of a solid relationship is that the bad stuff isn’t all that bad.
4. Doing Nothing Together is Great
Some of my favorite moments together have been those where we do absolutely nothing. It shows how any moment can be wonderful if you are with the right person; no topic of conversation is too boring or too trivial. I always had this with friends, but to have something like this with someone I can love and hold and kiss, it’s beyond anything I ever thought possible.
5. I Tend to Take the Offensive Position
No, this is not a sex thing.
My boyfriend and I have never had a real argument, but sometimes we have political debates. Our debates are mostly pointless because we share 90% of the same opinions, but sometimes we like to exchange arguments for fun. What I’ve learned is, for a person with so much anxiety that won’t tell a barista their drink is wrong, I sure am cut-throat. Luckily, this has never resulted in a big argument between us, but it’s something I’ve observed about myself. Once we get into a big fight (and we will get into a big fight one day, or so I’m told), and this is something of mine I have to watch out for and control. I don’t want it to be detrimental to our relationship.
6. I’m a Huge Romantic
I love him so so much. Sometimes I am genuinely surprised by how much I like him. I never get tired of him, any part of him. Maybe you could tell by the way I wrote an entire article about our relationship…
In the past, I’ve struggled to find someone I sincerely like, much less love. Some may call me picky but honestly, I think being selective can be a good thing. I am a big believer in the idea that the people around you shape you into who you are becoming.
I have fallen hard and I am so incredibly happy that I can hardly stand it. I finally understand what the poets were always going on about. It’s spectacular.