Recently, I’ve been thinking about the social politics of certain things that, on the surface, seem insignificant but somehow manage to carry more weight than they should. These aren’t major life decisions. No one’s changing their worldview over them. And yet, they’re moments where we quietly negotiate politeness, power, insecurity, and self-awareness without really acknowledging that we’re doing it.
Walking speed. Leaving early. Ordering coffee.
None of these should be complicated. And yet!
The Social Politics of Leaving Early
Leaving early is one of the most delicate social maneuvers there is. You can’t just go — not without explanation, apology, or at least a vague half-true explanation that makes it clear you’re not leaving because of the people.
We seem to have collectively agreed that wanting to go home simply because you’re tired isn’t a good enough reason. Instead, you need a socially acceptable excuse: an early morning, a headache, a long day tomorrow, something vague yet responsible. The excuse doesn’t even have to be true: it just has to sound valid.
Then there’s the Irish goodbye, which exists on the opposite side of the spectrum. No explanations, no prolonged goodbyes, no awkward “stay longer!” negotiations. You simply vanish. It’s efficient. It’s bold. It’s also somewhat risky. Pull it off successfully, and you look mysterious and self-assured. But, do it wrong and you look rude.
What makes leaving early political is the silent calculation behind it: have I stayed long enough to prove I tried? Will anyone notice? Do I owe anyone more of my time?
Sometimes leaving early is self-care. Sometimes it’s self-preservation. Either way, it shouldn’t require a performance, but it almost always does.
The Social Politics of the Coffee Order
Too basic? Too complicated? Too revealing?
Ordering coffee feels like it should be straightforward. You want caffeine, you order caffeine. End of story. But somehow, it often feels like your coffee order has become a personality test you’re taking in public.
Order something too simple, and you risk seeming boring. Order something too complicated, and you risk seeming high-maintenance. Order the wrong thing, and suddenly you’re explaining yourself to no one in particular.
There’s also the pressure of ordering correctly. Saying the right size, using the right terminology, knowing whether oat milk is implied or must be specified. Hesitate too long, and next thing you know, you’re holding up the line, but order too confidently and people assume you’re too self-assured.
What’s funny is that no one actually cares, yet everyone feels like they’re being perceived. Coffee orders sit at the intersection of taste, routine, and identity. It’s not about the drink; it’s what the drink might say about you.
In reality, the most honest coffee order is simply the one you like. But as it turns out, honesty is harder than it sounds.
The Social Politics of Walking Speed
Who adjusts for whom?
Walking with someone is an unspoken negotiation. Someone inevitably sets the pace, and someone else adjusts — often without comment, but not without awareness.
Speed becomes a subtle power dynamic, or “walk-maxxing”. Walking faster can signal urgency, confidence, or impatience. Walking slower can signal distraction, ease, or quiet resistance. The faster walker rarely notices, while the slower walker always does.
There’s also the social pressure to match someone else’s stride, even when it’s uncomfortable. Shortening steps, speeding up, pretending you’re not slightly out of breath. All to avoid the awkwardness of asking someone to slow down or (worst of all) admitting you can’t keep up.Â
Walking speed reveals more than we think: who leads, who follows, who accommodates, who expects to be accommodated. It’s not intentional, but it’s telling.
Why do these situations matter?
None of these situations are serious. They don’t define who we are. But they do reveal how often we’re managing perception, even in the smallest moments. Maybe the point isn’t to stop caring altogether. Maybe it’s just to notice when we’re making things harder than they need to be.
Leave early if you want to. Order the coffee you like. Walk at a pace that feels natural and notice who adjusts.