Bundled up with rosy cheeks and a runny nose, walking the few blocks to my elementary school with my mom are some of my strongest memories. As we walked through my Chicago suburban neighborhood, we’d pass neighbors shoveling their snow, taking out the trash, or starting their own journeys to work. Without fail, my mom and a random adult would exchange pleasantries: “Hi, how are you?” or “Good morning.” I would ask her if she knew them, oftentimes too loudly and not far enough away from them, resulting in a shushing.Â
Eventually, I stopped asking because the answer was always the same; she never knew them. And while I regard my mother as an incredibly kind person, I know these encounters don’t (just) stem from her warmth – they’re midwestern niceties. The type of small comforts that make you feel less alone.
When I moved to Seattle last year, I was warned about two things: the weather and the people. The weather, it turns out, is incredibly tame compared to the blistering Chicago winters and sweltering summers. The rainy winters and springs can certainly be gloomy, but I think it’s worth it for the 50-degree winter days. In fact, maybe the worst part of the weather is the way people complain about it. Which brings me to the next warning – the people in Seattle really can live up to their unfriendly reputation memorialized in the “Seattle Freeze.”Â
Seattleites aren’t unfriendly by any means. If you ask them a question or offer a compliment, they’ll respond in a warm manner. They will never, however, go out of their way to connect. They keep to themselves: noise-cancelling headphones and a blank stare ahead is the norm. Beyond their lack of verbal acknowledgments, I’ve noticed a lack of connections. People here don’t smile as they pass you on the street or nod as you walk past them on the bus.Â
To be clear, I don’t blame Seattleites. After a long night of studying and a trek to Oddegard, I don’t necessarily want to be making pleasantries as someone holds the door open for me or checks my Husky card. But these little interactions are more important than one may think.
On my walk home from yoga, I always pass a sign over the crosswalk button: “Stop Seattle Freeze,” accompanied by a peace sign. I strongly endorse this message and, as a Midwesterner, believe I am uniquely qualified to give my suggestions.Â
For one, being more aware of your surroundings will help. It sounds obnoxiously simple, but I believe people watching, or the art of eavesdropping and observing, allows us to connect to the people around us. From trying to ascertain how the people next to me in the coffee shop know each other (when I should be studying) to watching my neighbor teach his son to ride a bike on my way home from school, these observations can make me feel less lonely.Â
I believe that, at the end of the day, the thing that connects us to one another is not always important conversations and shared values, but the common human experiences we share. Noticing the way other people also struggle to carry their too-full Trader Joe’s bags or almost miss the bus helps us feel more connected in our shared lived experiences. Â
I think the way to “beat” the Seattle Freeze, connect more with the people around us, and feel less lonely is to simply notice. I sometimes need this reminder. I’m trying hard to notice. And when I do pay attention, I find it hard not to notice all of the beautiful things. The way the light streams into my kitchen on Sunday morning, or the most adorable meet-cute I witnessed in a coffee shop the other day. I’m scared that, ironically, Seattle is turning me cold: that I’m losing my “midwestern-niceness” along with my accent. But if I learned anything from my morning walks to school, it’s to treat your neighbors like you know them. With all of this in mind, I’m going to try my best to singlehandedly beat the Seattle Freeze. Â
Sincerely, a homesick midwesterner who misses a warm smile on a very cold day.Â
