I haven’t always had the best relationship with my mom because I was always mostly afraid of being honest with her. Growing up, I always wanted to have that type of relationship with my mom where I could talk to her about my boy problems, friends and honestly just a relationship in which I could come to her with any struggles I was having. I don’t know if its Mexican culture or just how my mom was raised, but she was always a little more serious, so conversations about the latest cute boy seemed a little impossible. I would try to bring up topics in conversations to build a closer relationship, but she was always awkward about whatever I would bring up or dismiss me if I had a varying opinion. I’ve written before about my realizations about my parents parenting style, and much of it was the realizations I made about my mom.
My relationship with my mom took a turn when my older sister went away for college because we were the only women in a house with 3 boys and we had to keep each other sane somehow (sorry dad and little brothers, but its true). I worked a lot in high school and had an opposite schedule from my mom but as I was getting older and acquiring more responsibility as the oldest child in the household and second mother to my brothers, we got really close. I would wake up every day of my high school senior year and my mom would have breakfast and a cup of coffee ready. We were both stressed and tired from running around trying to get the kids from place to place so we used this time to catch up and enjoy even 15 minutes with each other before we started our day.
I realized just how similar my mom and I were. I almost felt like when I was little my mom didn’t show her entire true personality, and I was finally getting a chance to see it, at the age of 17. She shared just how much she struggled with anxiety too and how we both struggled a lot with sleeping. We would talk about what was going on in the world and I realized just how much we share the same viewpoints on so many things.It felt like after spending my entire life with my mother I didn’t really know her. Strangely enough, I didn’t know what her favorite color was, what her favorite flower was or anything like that. I know she wasn’t very close to her own mother, so I understood that maybe she just saw her role as a mother to me as that, someone to guide me and raise me. But I don’t think she realized that our relationship could go benefit the both of us.
When I left for college, I was excited to finally be on my own, but I was also sad to leave my mom alone in the house with three boys. As the head of the household she was going to be stressed out without the small assistance I provided her with by being the kids personal Uber. She would text me good morning everyday while I was at UW, paired with a ton of emoji’s and when she finally learned how to use them, GIF’s. While at school I surprisingly learned a lot about my mom. I realized that through my mom’s strong character and her job as pretty much the head of the household, she was a brown feminist icon.
Even before I left to UW, my mom surprised me by being so supportive during a breakup, and it was because I was finally honest with my parents about myself and what was going on in my life. Now, I’m able to have honest conversations with her, I even told her I went on birth control and got a nose piercing and she surprisingly didn’t disown me. Now, we joke around a lot about things I never would’ve imagined we ever could, and I even have a group chat with my parents in which I regularly send them tik tok’s in Spanish that my mom even laughs at.
It took a while for our relationship to get to where it is now, but I have never for a second taken my mom for granted. She is the strongest, most selfless and kindest person I know. I annoy her probably 80% of the time with my dumb jokes and sarcastic remarks but I know that she’s always there for me in her own way. I honestly hope to one day be even half the great mother my mom is and i want her to be proud of the daughter she raised. So for those who have the opportunity to do so, hug your mom a little tighter this upcoming mothers day, and thank them for dealing with you, because I know I will.