Living In Limbo

In a lot of ways, college turns our lives into a mess of contradictions.

Home is both your childhood house and the new place you sleep at night. You say, “home” in front of your parents and friends, always meaning the place you’re not. Your friendships are changing – not just who you are friends with, but what those relationships look like as you become older and taller and different. Some grow with you. Some don’t. Some arrive when you least expect them. Sometimes even what you thought your future looked like changes, shedding old dreams, finding new ones, or discovering you just don’t know.

You’re an adult in some ways, but not at all ready in many, many others (otherwise why would a book called Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in in 468 Easy(ish) Steps be a New York Times bestseller?).

In Aziz Ansari’s own book Modern Romance, he discusses how this “young adult” phase is a fairly recent phenomenon. Many girls went to college just to find a husband, then settled down immediately after, or even during; thankfully, now our collegiate careers serve as a launchpad for any future we want. But as a result, we have uncharted territory, a new life stage for us to enact that didn’t used to be there.

We’re in limbo, which Google defines as, “an intermediate state.” We are in between.

So many choices, so many rules. Freedom* with an asterisk (quiet hours, prerequisite classes, the fact that we’re all a little broke). It’s easy to feel off balance. Or stuck.

It’s also easy to just wish it was over. Sure, the first few months of freshman year are a heady introduction to parent-free (or at least parent-reduced) living, but then you start moving past intro classes and watching your GPA. We work so hard to get into a good school, and then work harder than ever for grades we would have gotten with half the effort just a few years ago. There are endless internship interviews and late nights and paper cups of drip coffee. We know it’s worth it in the end, but the idea of skipping straight to the end seems pretty appealing.

It’s so close. We’re so close.

“I’d leave right now,” my friend said recently. “If I knew I could get a job, I’d drop out right now.” He’s tired of classes. He wants the real world. He’s not the only one.

It’s not always that obvious. Even if you love college, sometimes it’s as subtle as spending your now daydreaming about later, inhabiting this imaginary future you’re working so hard for. But you can’t spend your life waiting to be grown-up. These four years are not a waiting game, and right now is not an obstacle before a  better, older, more confident or accomplished or ‘together’ you.

You’re in transition now. We all are. But it’s still part of your story. This time is limited. Use it to test your wings knowing a safety net is below you; value your superhuman ability to survive on limited sleep. Embrace uncertainty. Acknowledge your youth, and enjoy the journey to your destination, whatever it may be, whenever you may arrive.

So what might seem like living in limbo is, in fact, just living.

• Adulthood
• college
• growing up