The conversation began with lingerie.
We were all circled around a pile of snacks in the dorms, silently doing homework, when the discussion of doing lingerie shoots came about. As the discussion continued, we all decided to stop doing our assignments to look up lingerie. We were in it to win it: lingerie, colored lights, handcuffs, the whole deal. The conversation grew to discuss photo angles, then gradually changed towards the appeal of our photos. The whole reasoning for the photos, oddly enough, wasn’t to please our significant others or to gain attention but were meant for ourselves.
“Who needs boys to get horny for when we have ourselves for that?”
“But gosh, talking about this is making me horny.”
The idea of it is a bit uncomfortable and funny: talking about your sexy poses, horniness, and sex. Casual sex talk was never part of the agenda in my household or in my life. The entire concept of discussing intimate details with my close friends was an intimidating thought. However, as the discussion continued on, I began to realize how healthy it was and how normal it should be to talk about sex or sexual appeals in general.
Whether it be with your closest friends or your significant other, talking about sex, your sexual health, or things that get you sexually aroused is completely normal and validly healthy for anybody.
Let’s talk sex
I never got the “birds and bees” talk. In fact, my school didn’t even give it to us. I learned everything through books and, sadly, through porn. It was unconventional to me from the start and I used to see it in a very taboo topic. And yet, I came to realize that sex wasn’t some taboo thing that shouldn’t be talked about. Rather, it was something that SHOULD be talked about. Not only is it okay to do, but sexual health is important in order to ensure safe, consensual sex and obtain a healthy emotional state. It’s not only important to learn how to protect yourself from STIs, but a conversation about safe sexual practices will make you more knowledgeable and aware. Your sexual health can be closely intertwined with your mental health as well, especially when exploring the topics of body image, confidence, hook-up culture, and others.
Get close and personal
I never knew the rarity of finding people to discuss kinks, pornography, or sexual arousal with, until I found my current friends. It was refreshing to hear about what aroused others and the reasoning behind it. There was something comforting with being able to express interests and get opinions, questions, and reactions from it. It’s about connecting and having a sense of community, where you’re able to trust the people around you with something as intimate as this. It’s healthy because you get to feel safe. You are given an open environment free from judgment, where you can talk about the details of your sex life and gain insight into it (if you want). You’ll be given comfort and free to feel confident in your own form.