I have recently become obsessed with the “INs and OUTs” trend. If you don’t know what this incredible trend is, it’s a list you make of what is “in” this season/month/year and what is “out.” I love listening to what others love enough to keep and, conversely what other people would love to let go of. They’re so much fun and a great way to start a new month, week, or even season by setting intentions. Life was made to be lived, not dragged through, and my INs and OUTs lists feel like fun things I can do to make my life sweeter, kinder, and more fun and intentional. So, I decided to create a list for this new year!
Because I am an optimist and a lover, I will start with an OUT, and then an IN I would replace it with, because I love ending things on a sweet note. (side note: a great IN is ending things on a sweet note)
OUT: Arbitrary Rules That Don’t Suit You.
God, if I have to hear another stupid rule like, “don’t double text”, “always be talking to at least three people”, “don’t be too invested”, “don’t wear vertical strips if you want to look thinner”, “don’t mix and match colors” — ah!!! I don’t care! We are literally on a floating rock, going 67,000 miles per hour. I will text this idiot however many times I want.
So many rules are focused on looking cool, effortless, and perfect. The problem with that is that we are not– we are sweaty, silly, stupid people. What a blessing! I want people to care so much! I want people to dress weirdly and oddly and how they want to. Perfectionism is so boring. Stop trying to be effortless personified when you put so much effort in! Stop suffocating yourself with rules that don’t mean anything and make you feel like you’re always doing something wrong. Spoiler Alert: You’re not.
IN: Making Silly and Fun Goals
Instead of implementing harsh rules, I have been obsessed with creating fun goals. My resolutions last year looked like: read 30 books, work out five times a week, eat asparagus. While, yes, these are great stuff to implement, it always felt so dreary and made me feel like I failed when I didn’t stick to them. This year, my resolutions were to learn how to an Irish accent, fake backstories at parties, and compliment more people. This was the first new year I spent where I didn’t feel like I had a mountain of things to improve on. Weirdly enough, this year, I have been working out, reading more, and eating well. Not because I feel like I’m a failure if I don’t, simply because it makes me feel good. There are already so many ingrained rules in the world you have to follow, why torture yourself more? Give yourself fun tasks that make life feel like an adventure game instead of a to-do list.
OUT: The Word “Ugly” (For Evil)
We are grown. If you are still calling people ugly, that is MEAN GIRL BEHAVIOR! And not in a hot, sexy, cool Renee Rapp way. This is all I have to say about that.
IN: The Word “Ugly” (For Good)
I have recently repurposed that word, and man, oh man, it has been effective. I’ve been using it on myself (NOT in a self-critical way!) but when I need to change my thinking. For example, recently, I was talking to some dude and I started thinking the usual demeaning thoughts: maybe he would like me more if I was prettier, smarter, had a better (softer) laugh. Then, when I realized how I was talking to myself, I just said “Hmm. That is ugly behavior,” and I stopped. It’s ridiculous how effective it is. Sometimes, your mind is a vindictive 13-year-old girl, and every now and then, you have to put her in her place. Being unkind to yourself, now that is real ugliness. I know I deserve more and I know you do too.
OUT: Thinking You Don’t Have To Write Something Down (Because You’ll Remember It Later)
I’m going to hold your hands when I say this: you will probably not remember that coffee date you made with that girl in your Econ class in two weeks. I am a huge victim (and perpetrator) of the “no, I don’t have to write this down! I’ll remember!” movement. Spoiler alert: I never do! Start jotting things down, it just makes life earlier. Then you can start using your brain for importing things like having a mental replay of that one Jacob Elordi edit (IYKYK).
IN: Using A Calendar (And Scheduling Whatever Your Heart Desires)
I love putting anything and everything on my calendar. One of my favorite things to schedule is “me time,” which I refuse to schedule anything else during. Whether that looks like rotting in bed, going for a walk, or lying in the fetal position on my dorm room floor, it forces me to prioritize having time just for myself to just be. I didn’t realize the importance of taking time for yourself, but as I get older and older, I start feeling burnout creeping over me all the time. My “me time” has been one of the biggest helps to alleviate that. I also love scheduling silly things too. Like going for a walk with my best friend, watching the new Percy Jackson episode with my roommate, or having a talk about the movie “27 Dresses” with the girl down the hall. I love putting everything I do in the day in my calendar, because it becomes a little diary I can look back on.
OUT: Being Mysterious and Sexy
This relates to the first point, but I just want to reiterate how exhausting it is to seem effortless. When I was a kid, if you had asked me what I would be like when I was 20, the answer would be so far from the truth. I hoped I was cool and smooth, an enigma (or another equally pretentious word I had read in a John Green book). I wanted to be nonchalant, sexy, and mysterious. How boring would that have been? I am a yapper. So much so, I’m trying to make it a career. I love talking about anything and everything. I love telling strangers my deepest, darkest secrets in a booze-filled monologue, waking up the next day, and remembering random people have a piece of my heart tucked under their shoulder. Being nonchalant is OUT! What the hell even is chalance?!
IN: Being Loud and Obnoxious
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This may be self-directed. I don’t care! Being loud is in! 2024 is the year of caring! What a lovely and heartbreaking thing it is to care about everything all the time! I feel everything! So deeply! And I used to hold so much grief towards that, but it is such a gift. I care, and god, do I care loudly. My greatest strength is that everyone I love knows that I love them because I am so loud about my loving. When you are on your deathbed, you will never think, “God, I wish I was a little bit more secretive and unfeeling.” I wear my heart on my sleeve, and everyone knows it! Arundhati Roy once said, “Who wants an unbroken heart?” and she was absolutely right. That’s where we get the good stuff. We can only risk anything happening if we risk anything at all.
I hope 2024 is kind to you and shows you love and patience, and I hope you show that to yourself, too. Happy New Year!