How is it possible that one of the best feelings in the world can somehow turn into something you wished never existed? Love. Everyone talks about falling in love and how beautiful and magical it feels. The constant butterflies at just the sound of their name and the booming heartbeat when you see them. The sweaty palms at the prolonged eye contact and the dry mouth whenever you speak to them. This person who once made you feel like you were on top of the whole world suddenly made you question your worth and had you asking yourself, “What the hell is so wrong with me?”
Staring into the mirror and questioning what you did, and how you could have prevented them from searching for love in someone else – “where did I go wrong…” is constantly ringing in your ears. You cringe at the sound of their voice when you once busted at the seams with excitement and their name that once brought you joy brings you a gut-wrenching stomachache. What did I do to deserve this? I’m here to tell you, nothing was your fault. You did nothing wrong.
Being a hopeless romantic and naïve enough to never believe someone would be capable of causing me this much pain, getting cheated on was a rude awakening. All I wanted to do was give them all my love and support, yet it wasn’t enough. It is still taking me time to process that being cheated on was never my fault. It was never due to anything that I did “wrong,” and there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. Losing all the progress I had made in my self-love journey knocked me into a deep depressive episode and I found myself stuck right back into my old ways. Constantly worrying about how I was perceived to other people and questioning if I am even worthy of being loved by someone else. How was it that someone who in some ways helped me “realize my worth” had ruined all the progress I made? It took strength and a whole lot of holding myself accountable, but I started picking my broken pieces up and realized that if I did it once, I can do it again.
- Healing is not linear
-
One of the things I had to come to terms with, after being knocked down the ladder of my self-love journey, was that it’s completely normal. That’s the funny thing about healing, you are constantly going to go up and down. That’s the purpose. Gaining experience and learning about your strengths help you gain the tools to be able to pick yourself up in any obstacle that life may throw you. It builds your independence and makes life just a little easier. Life is not always going to be happy and sunny, but the lessons you go through along the way help you learn how to make the rainy days a little less rainy.
- you are perfect
-
After finding out I was being cheated on, I began to compare myself to the people who I thought “ruined my relationship.” How could I not? I started to think about what I was missing. Maybe if I had longer hair, maybe if I wasn’t so tall, maybe if I wasn’t so loud, maybe if I dressed like her… STOP. These negative thoughts will only drag you down the ladder even further and make even more pieces that you will have to pick up. Of course, it is so much easier said than done – I’m still trying to remind myself of this! It will be so hard to get yourself to believe this when you gave all your trust to your person, and they went behind your back. I get it. Whenever I would find myself going down this wormhole of negative thoughts, I would combat it with a positive thought. “I hate my nose,” would turn to, “I love how my nose piercings look!” “I hate my eyes,” to “I love how my brown eyes catch the light.” For every negative thought, think of something positive. Even if you don’t believe it, say it until you do.
- You loved once; you can do it again.
-
After a heartbreak, I tell myself: “I never want to do this again.” But then I think, why should I deprive myself of one of our souls’ greatest abilities! The ability to love deep and trust deeper. Sure, it sucks. You put all this work, effort, and emotion into someone you might’ve thought was in it with you for the long run. You’re not sure if you have it in you to put that much work into someone else ever again for fear of being hurt and finding yourself right back to where you are now. Try with yourself first. Give all the same if not more amount of work, effort, and emotion into yourself and see where it takes you. One thing I like to remind myself of is, I’m one heartbreak closer to who I am supposed to be with.