Cheating scandals are always popping up, whether that be on the news or even by word of mouth through your own peers. I mean, who would think that cheating would be such a difficult thing? There may be an instance where you feel the need or urge to cheat – or already are – and you’ve asked yourself “How could I cheat well?” After all, there’s always room for improvement. With these tips and tricks, your SO will be giving you the same outraged expression as blue-shirt-girl in no time.
1. Go crazy spoiling your significant other so they’ll never be suspicious of your motives
- Go above and beyond (and beyond…and beyond…) for your significant other in the most excessive of ways—try hiring a skywriter, or buying six human-sized teddy bears for Valentine’s Day instead of just one. They’ll never question your motives or even consider you might be covering up a guilty conscience. After all, no one would be sketched out by weekly flash mob surprises, bouquets of three dozen roses, and fake diamond necklaces. Your cheating will definitely stay on the DL.
2. Start disappearing throughout the day, ignore your significant other and only put effort into them when you finally see them
- You’re “busy.” Or busier than the usual. When they ask you when you’re free, send them a when2meet and then never fill it out. Walking to class on campus is too risky—use UW’s underground steam tunnels to eliminate the chance you’ll run into them in Red Square. They’ll never guess that there’s the potential of you cheating, let alone that you’re avoiding them!
3. Like and comment on all of the posts of the person you’re cheating with. Hype them up, tell them you’ll be excited to see them soon, too!
- Make sure your partner is following the person you’re cheating with on social media. Let them see all the heart eyes and the sweet nothings that you comment on posts to your affair partner. No questions would be asked, at all! Consider posting photos of them with the hashtag #mcm or #wcw.
4. Minimize contact with your friends, too. They’ll never guess something — or someone — else is going on in your life!
- If you start ghosting your friends and becoming more awkward around them, it will definitely not be suspicious. When they ask you where you’ve been, reply “new phone, who dis?” Do this even if they ask in person.
5. Go on dates with your significant other and the person you’re cheating on with. The more the merrier!
- Kiss both of them, hold both of their hands! Not only will neither of them be uncomfortable, but this is extremely time-efficient.
6. Tell your friends about the time(s) you cheated, but disperse your stories. Don’t give one person too much information. Let minimal amounts of different stories be told to everyone. No one will figure out.
- Why would your friends ever mention you in conversation? And if they did happen to, it definitely wouldn’t be to decide whether to hold an intervention for your out-of-control crazy cheating behavior. Besides, they could come up with a whole story that makes sense and timeline the stories to understand that it makes total sense you’re a cheater!
7. Keep belongings of the person your cheating with in your room. “Whose stuff is that?” your significant other may ask. Then it’s up to you to come up with a response!
- The more personal the items, especially clothes, would not be questioned at all! Their unofficial transcript would be perfect, preferably framed.
8. Go out in public with your new boo.
- This is more effective if you run into your current partner! Introduce the two, let them know you’re on a date with the person you’re cheating on your partner with and let your partner know that this is only a subtle form of cheating!
9. If you’re cheating and have evidence on your phone, leave it unlocked, give it to your partner, then tell them to casually “look through your phone.”
- We live in a day and age where social media and technology dictates relationship statuses so heavily that it’s very easy to discover what’s going on in someone’s life simply by looking through one of their most personalized devices – their phone! If they say they don’t want to because of “trust” and “boundaries,” reassure them that’s not an issue.
10. Slowly let the rumors of you cheating get out, and then once your significant other finds out, then you can figure out what to do.
- Sooner or later, you have to make sure the rumors must get out and you let everyone know that you’re a cheater. Not through your mouth though, you want it to come out by others mentioning it. Since it would look bad on your end to slowly drop hints of rumors to your partner, toy with them more and let them play a guessing game with all the rumors they hear about you cheating. Besides, why should you have to do all the work to let them know?
11. Just tell your significant other you’re cheating. They’ll obviously think you’re just joking.
- I mean, hey, just cut to the chase, right? Might as well be as straight forward about it as possible! Way less effort on your part.