When you live in a sorority with over a hundred girls you hear the best and the worst relationship stories. There is always the cheater, the person that just wasn’t into it anymore, the relationship that just fizzled out, the not sure what this is relationship dance, and more. There isn’t any tried and true advice for keeping the guy you want, but there are things you can do to make your relationship happier and healthier. Everyone’s relationship is different, but there are some universal truths about relationships that every girl should know and practice.
1. Know your expectations and communicate them. It’s important to know what you are both looking for. If he’s looking to casually date and you’re looking for a boyfriend you already have a problem. Be upfront rather than shy. It’s not necessary to announce “be my boyfriend or get lost,” but its okay to say, “I’m interested in finding a serious relationship.” Don’t be shocked if his answer is different. You can still date, who knows he could decide he is serious too, but don’t plan on changing his mind.
2. All you need to do is ask. If something is bothering you instead of keeping it pent up and hoping he will figure it out just ask him to fix it. Your boyfriend is not a mind reader, sadly. Keep in mind, presentation is everything. Don’t place blame; just explain. If he forgets to text you he will be 30 minutes late don’t pout and expect him to figure out what’s bothering you. Say, “When you forget to tell me you are running late, it makes me feel frustrated. I’d appreciate it if in the future you would tell me if you’ll be late.”
3. Don’t try and change him. People are who they are. He may be a homebody and you’re a partier. Sure ask him to come out with you and some friends, but don’t pressure him if he says no. That’s not to say he can’t change on small things. It’s ok to ask him to text you 15 minutes before he shows up to hangout, that’s not going to change who he is. Going along with asking him to change…
4. Don’t place restrictions. No one likes to be told they can’t do something. Yes he may have a lot of girl friends from before he met you, but you can’t tell him he is never allowed to talk to them again. If he told you to stop talking to your friends you probably wouldn’t be too thrilled, show him the same trust and respect you want to be treated with. Which brings me to my next point.
5. Remember you have friends. There is nothing worse than breaking up with a guy and realizing you no longer have friends. I know its tempting to spend all your time with him, but don’t. Also if you are at the point that you can’t remember the last time you had a girls’ night you are probably experiencing another common problem…clinging.
6. Don’t be a clinger. It may seem hard when you want to see him all the time, but “friend time” and “you time” is still essential. Not to mention he probably wouldn’t mind having some time for a guys’ night.
7. Don’t play the jealousy game. We’ve all heard stories of one significant other attempting to make another jealous. While this tactic may seem like the perfect ploy to help him realize how much he wants and appreciates you. Try and remember no one wants to be on the other side of this situation. In the end all the jealousy game does is break down trust.
8. Learn how to talk not argue. The key to getting what you want is to be reasonable. Don’t blame him; again remember just ask. Otherwise only try and fix what is really bothering you at the time. Don’t dig into the past and throw something in his face that happened months ago. It’s in the past so focus on the present. Another important part of couple’s conflict resolution is learning to admit fault. You aren’t exactly a bowl of peaches and cream either.
9. Ask him what you can do. In relationships its easy to focus on what the other person is or is not doing and forget about what we are or are not doing well. Its good to check in sometimes and ask, “Is there anything you want me to change or is there anything I can do to make our relationship better?” Try and have grace and hear him out.
10. Don’t start planning your wedding…unless of course he’s asked you. There is nothing worse than the girl who’s been dating a guy for 6 months and is already talking to everyone about how she thinks he may be THE guy. You are probably going to scare him and annoy all your friends. You may say, “but he says he could see us together in the future,” or, “I said I could see myself marrying him and he seemed happy.” His future is probably two months to six months from now if you’re lucky. And yes he seemed happy on the outside, but he was cringing on the inside.
11. Finally, Choose to be positive. A relationship is what you make of it. Yes some slip-ups are going to happen, but choose to be happy about the little things.