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Why I Hate Bikes

When I wake up in the morning, my primary goal is arriving to class unharmed both physically and emotionally. Bikes make that very difficult to accomplish because every time I step on campus, they put my life at risk. Whether I’m in-between classes, meeting with my professor for office hours, or on my way to buy a quesadilla, I find myself checking over my shoulder and peeking around corners. I live with the weight of knowing at any moment, I may be struck down.

These bikers that zip around the narrow sidewalks of WashU are reckless thrill seekers with no concern for anyone in their path. They treat our campus like a BMX obstacle course, regarding us unsuspecting, students trying to expand our minds through academic achievement, as hurdles they try to avoid. I am almost positive I saw a biker run over a squirrel and laugh. I think they can smell fear.



Danger has a name, and that name is bicycle. According to Google, 7% of bicycle accidents result from collision with a pedestrian. In the same way we tend not to blame people for getting hit by cars, the guilt there clearly lives on the two-wheeled demons that haunt the grounds at WashU.

Walking, in itself, is better exercise. You sway your arms around and use your legs when you walk. Who knows who you will run into and have a conversation with while walking, therefore using your mouth and vocal cords, and ascertaining even more exercise. Good luck making friendship gains when you’re whipping along the sidewalks on a bike instilling fear in all who see you!


Look at these people making real connections without the hindrance of a bike



If an alternative mode of transportation is what you seek, there are more options available than biking! Longboards are great because they take up more room than a skateboard and if you ride one, everyone will know just how sick you are because you totally board. Also, scooters are making a comeback. Purchase a scooter and be ahead of the trend. People will assume you are a visionary and definitely want to be your friend.

These tumultuous days of bike radicalism remind me of my times in middle school with a boy named Matt. He grew up to be the sketchiest person in my hometown. This boy literally tried to sell me drugs while I was playing in a tennis match. And when Matt was still in 7th grade, he rode his bike to school. Coincidence? Definitely not. Bikes cannot not be trusted any more than the scoundrels that ride them.

My advice is very simple; don’t ride your bike to class. Don’t terrorize the innocent pedestrians. Don’t make me spill my cup of soup when you ride so aggressively by that I need to leap into a bush for safety. Don’t be Matt and become a drug dealer. Bikes are a gateway vehicle.

By Christina Rao

giphs from giphy.com 

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