“All living things eat, so, everyone poops.” – Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi
The best poops happen in moments of relaxation and serenity, giving you enough time to contemplate life decisions or stalk someone on social media. But if you’re a person on the move, trying to cram for exams and finish all your last minute assignments, that special time may have to happen on campus instead of the sanctuary of your dorm. Fear not! I’m here to dish the best places on campus to take a dump.
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B-Stacks
Sex and studying aren’t the only activities that take place in the second basement of Olin Library! The basement is virtually empty at all hours of the day, so you will enjoy total tranquility whilst pooping. Also, the two-flight descent does wonders for your thighs.
2) Floor One of Hillman
Are you a Sam Fox student desperately needing to take a #2? I’ve got the bathroom for you! Located on the floor beneath Grounds For Change is a single-stall bathroom. Enjoy!
3) Women’s Building (preferably 2nd floor)
Male or female, the women’s building bathroom is open to you! I have never actually seen another human inside of it before. Relish the ultimate privacy and incredible Wi-Fi connection.
4) Basement of Mallinckrodt
This basement saved my butt (literally) multiple times during the period when I had a recitation class on the second floor. There are tons of stalls that no one uses. And, the bathroom provides mild protection from the overpowering stench of Subway from the floor above.
5) Basement of Simon
Take a break from Einstein’s and drop a deuce in the single-stall bathroom in the basement of Simon.
Bonus points: it is also stocked with tampons.
Happy pooping!
By Christina Rao