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7 Drunk Alter Egos: What are Yours?

As proper collegiettes, we’ve all woken up after a drunken night thinking, “the hell was I last night?” Whether you remember what you did or your friends have to tell you, most likely the latter, you could fight a court case that it wasn’t you who did those things last night…Not every girl has one, but here are the most classic drunk alter egos women have:

1. The One Who Compliments Everyone

As soon as a sip of alcohol touches her lips, she compliments everyone around. No matter what you are wearing, how you are acting, or who you are with, this drunk alter-ego will shower you with compliments until she can’t flatter you anymore. Haven’t seen each other in months? Doesn’t matter. You’ll find her hugging you, dancing with you, taking dozens of photos together which will immediately be IGed #twinsies. No matter what happens, she. Won’t. Stop. Laughing. We all know this party friend. Whenever you go out with her, you sure will have a great time.

2. The One Who Can’t Stop Dancing

Unlike the other drunk alter-egos, this one might actually get some cardio in from going out. She’ll start screaming the words to Zedd with other girl friends in a circle because it’s like totally her song! Three shots down, this alter ego will get her on the dance floor or on some random table in the middle of a dirty basement shaking it. This drunk alter-ego has to dance, even if there is no music. If that’s your friend, watch out when she’s reaching a blackout because she’ll has absolutely no judgment of her surroundings and most likely to fall at least ten times on the walk back.

 

3. The One Who Flirts with Everyone

Everyone has that one friend who can always be found talking to boys the entire night. The flirtatious alter-ego is the girl who can be found grinding intensely on a random guy or questionably turning lesbian in some dark corner. This girl will probably lose all her friends the moment she got to the club on a mission for a boy.

 

4. The One Who Loses Everything

Do you have a habit of handing entrusted friends your purse, demanding out of desperation: “Don’t let me touch this till we’re home kay KAY”? Multiple times she has left a bar without her phone/ assorted credit cards/ student ID, walked out of frat basements in someone else’s jacket, one earring and missing both contacts. You know the song “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off” by Joe Nichols? Well, that is basically this drunk alter-ego.

 

5. The One Who Thinks She Is a Dude

Bring out the beer with this alter-ego! The girl who thinks she is a dude will be hanging with the guys, talking sports, and probably shot-gunning beers. This drunk alter-ego doesn’t care about what is considered “appropriate” for a girl when she drinks. If she wants to hang out with the guys, she is going to do it.

 

6. The One Who Always Cries

We’ve all woken up at least once with puffy eyes and thought “Damn, now everyone knows about my unrequited crush.” But this is the chick who perpetually cries at the end of the night – whether over a dim and distant pet’s death, boy problems or she accidentally spilled her drink, she’s going to cry. This is the girl you hesitate to go out with, considering the prospect of spending the entire night consoling her as she sobs to you. Every now and then, she will cry of happiness. This is usually when she is tucked into her bed and started drunk dialing. A few weeks ago my friend called and told me, in a shaky voice that she was so blessed, her life was so blessed, her apartment was so blessed. I, for once, felt blessed to be on the receiving end of a drunk phone call.

7. The One Who Has to Eat Everything

This chick will probably never make it to the bar. Five shots down and only one thing is on her mind: FOOD. She’ll sprint out of the pregame to the nearest fast food place and not look back once, slurring something along the line of “I would marry this sandwich” whilst eating. Though this may not be your drunk alter-ego, there would be occasional nights when you come back and eat literally everything in sight at your apartment. You feel like Cookie Monster trapped in a human girl’s body. The worst part is that you have no recollection of consuming the 2,000 calories, and the entire weight gain is achieved in a blackout.

 

Not everyone has a drunk alter-ego, but those who do can be especially fun to go out with. It can be pretty hilarious to see their alter-egos take over with every sip of alcohol. But make sure you know their alter-egos, and watch out for yours especially during upcoming festive events involving family members. Do your friends have funny drunk alter-egos? What are yours?

Lace Nguyen is in her third year studying Comparative Literature at Washington University in St. Louis. While not entertaining college women with her wit and charm, she reads German novels and apologizes for how pretentious that sounds.
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