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14 Times Cher Horowitz Gave Low-Key Great Life Advice

If you have ever seen the movie Clueless, you probably remember Cher Horowitz’s character as a self-centered, materialistic, immature, Beverly Hills teen, living a gifted life that might as well be straight out of a Noxzema commercial. Though most of Cher’s actions and comments seem outwardly shallow, if you look closer, you may actually find that what she says and does shows that she has a lot of real insight about life. 

1. Even the smallest risks can be dangerous. “Wasn’t my Mom a betty? She died when I was just a baby. A fluke accident during a routine liposuction. I don’t remember her, but I like to pretend she still watches over me.” – Cher


2. No one should store too much faith in high school boys. They have a lot to learn. “They’re like dogs. You have to clean them and feed them and they’re just like these nervous creatures that jump and slobber all over you.” – Cher 


3. In order to do well in school, an alternative to working hard may be negotiating with your teachers… “Well, some teachers are trying to low-ball me, Daddy. And I know how you say, “Never accept a first offer”, so I figure these grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations.” – Cher 

Or manipulating them…


4. Sometimes when you’re feeling down, you have to go to your happy place. “I felt impotent and out of control, which I really hate. I needed to find sanctuary in a place where I could gather my thoughts and regain my strength.” – Cher


5. The love of your life could be just around the corner. He could even be your ex-step-brother! 


6. Having your period can get you out of everything. “I object! Do you recall the dates of these alleged tardies?… Mr. Hall, I was surfing the crimson wave, I had to haul ass to the ladies’.” – Cher


7. Take pride in everything you have and do, even if it’s stupid. Isn’t my house classic? The columns date all the way back to 1972.” – Cher


8. You can deflect an insult by being witty. 

Josh: “You know, if I ever saw you do something that wasn’t ninety percent selfish, I’d die of shock.”

Cher: “Oh, that’d be reason enough for me.” 


9. Body language can be very telling. “Will you look at that body language? Legs crossed towards each other. That’s an unequivocal sex invite.” – Cher


10. Boy time is different from regular time. “Christian said he’d call the next day, but in boy time, that meant Thursday.” – Cher


11. Health is mental and physical. “Good. Now that takes care of our minds and bodies, but we should do something good for mankind or the planet for a couple of hours.” – Cher


12. Adolescence is traumatic. “I am rescuing her from teenage hell. Do you know the wounds from adolescence can take years to heal?” – Cher


13. Being strategic about where you stand at a party can change your entire experience. “Let’s do a lap before we commit to a location.” – Cher


14. Helping others is more rewarding than helping yourself. “I had to give myself snaps for all the good deeds I was doing. It was so great. Love was everywhere. Even though I was alone, I was really happy for Tai. It’s like that book I read in ninth grade that said, ’tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people.’” – Cher


Lizzie is a sophomore, majoring in Film and Poli Sci at Wash U. She loves sloths, pizza, Tina Fey, and pizza! 
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