I often struggle to write any self-reflection pieces because let’s face it, it isn’t easy to put your emotions and feelings into words, let alone do it in such a public space. However, 2019 has been a year of such growth that I think this is the right time to let myself be a little bit more vulnerable.
Dear 2019,
You were the most heartbreaking, most uplifting, most frustrating, and most loving year that I have experienced so far. I have encountered a breadth of new thoughts and feelings that I never even imagined possible. I guess this is what it means to live and remind ourselves to never expect any sort of certainty from life itself.
2019. You taught me what I wanted from the world around me – what I should seek in friendships, relationships, work, school, and so forth. You taught me to thirst for what would aid me in building the environment I wanted to surround myself with. You taught me to create the space from which I would thrive and learn from.
You taught me to unapologetically invest in myself and embrace the changes that I wished to pursue. You taught me not to settle for anything less than what I wanted, and that I was allowed to say no to what would negate from my potential. You taught me to navigate through the hardships of owning my decisions even if they weren’t always snug and convenient.
You taught me to love in ways I didn’t think I would know how. You taught me the love you can have for friends that choose to be your family – how this too may be unconditional if you find the right people to call your own. You taught me that friends could empower you and therefore inspire you.
You taught me what it means to care for and be cared for by a significant other. You taught me that I was worthy of being embraced for who I am and what I stand for. You brought him into my life at such a curious moment in time, and you taught me that timing was a trivial obstacle if I made certain my priorities.
You taught me that vicious cycles can be ugly and that regression can be wholly frustrating – but you also taught me that progress is established by setbacks and how self-care and development feel that much sweeter because of it. You taught me how to dilute the negative and use my grievances as strength.
You taught me that heartbreak is nothing but a fleeting moment – transient as long as you are willing to confront your pain with forgiveness and understanding. You taught me to respect myself enough to sever the toxicity that consumed parts of me because I learned to cherish myself instead.
I’ve learned to value and appreciate where I am in my life right now. I’ve learned to understand that growth doesn’t just come from experiencing adversity or emotional turmoil. It comes from the awareness and mindfulness of knowing what has happened to you, and how life goes forward from there. It’s about feeling emotions and choosing what it does to you and for you. You don’t always have to move forward, but you can choose to go forward with these experiences. It isn’t something that happens overnight or over the course of a year. But it is here in 2019, where I have made a mark of realisation. It is here where I have built a foundation for myself from which I yearn to evolve from.
So thank you, 2019.