What’s the best way to respond to a compliment? Some may say the best thing to do is accept it with a simple ‘thank you’ and move on, some may think it’s best to return a compliment, and some might think that denying the compliment is the best way to go. After spending time in Japan and within North America, I’ve come to notice that there is a notable difference in communication style, especially when it comes to responding to compliments.
In my experience, I’ve found that North American culture is a major promoter of self-love and truly owning all the great things about yourself. Love your body, love your personality, love your successes and even love your flaws. When browsing social media and generally socializing with others, it seems clear that the best thing to do when receiving a compliment from someone else, is to own it and respond with a humble ‘thank you’. That makes sense, right? When someone compliments you, it only makes sense to thank the person and let yourself bathe in the warmth that comes with those uplifting words.
While this is may be an obvious response for some, in Japanese culture, simply accepting a compliment is not the most gracious move. Whether the compliment is directed towards you or someone related to you, you are socially obligated to reject the praise and lower yourself. For example, let’s say someone compliments you on your intelligence, this person will probably expect you to respond like this: “Oh no, that’s not true. I’m actually not that smart. I have to study very hard to get good grades.” By dodging the compliment, it can be seen that the receiver of the praise is being humble and is reluctant to assume any position of superiority. Whether you actually agree with the compliment or not, it’s expected for you to initially reject praise. This type of communication style might be hard to take for some foreigners, especially when they hear others speaking ‘badly’ about their friends or family. While it might seem alarming to hear a mother speaking about her ‘average and unintelligent’ son, in truth, this is a common way to show humility and refinement.
In a sense, I can see the beauty of this type of response. This way, no one needs to necessarily feel threatened by other people’s strengths and feel the need to compete. Sometimes, the North American approach can end up feeling like a battle of who can respond with the best compliment even when responding to praise with a compliment like “I like your shirt too” can end up sounding empty and meaningless. At the same time, I don’t think that there is anything wrong with loving yourself and accepting a compliment. As humans, it’s natural to doubt ourselves and sometimes it’s just easier to put ourselves down in order to avoid being hurt by others, so it’s not a bad thing to let ourselves accept praise from time to time.
So, what’s the verdict? How should you respond to a compliment? To be honest, I don’t think that there is only one right way to do it. Obviously, it’s best not to be obnoxious when taking a compliment but,otherwise, I don’t think there is a true right or wrong method of approach. I am personally not 100% on board with the complete rejection of praise but I agree with it to some extent. Initial rejection is great to show humility, but continuing to put yourself down to prove your point is a bit too far for me. Overall, it would probably be best to do a mix of both the North American and Japanese communication styles and just accept compliments with a healthy amount of modesty so you can feel the love without seeming full of yourself.
Thanks for reading! :)
Originally published on seishunlife.blogspot.jp