Friday night: time to party. Tight skirt, crop top, chucks. Your suitemate did your makeup. You know you look good tonight, and since you know you look good, you feel good, too. Those shots you threw back at the pregame don’t hurt your ego either. Pledge drops you off. Venture inside. Where’s the punch? In the dark crowded corner of the basement, of course! Ask the girl next to you: is it good? What’s her response? Doesn’t matter. You scoop up a cup and hit the dance floor.
You’re having fun. You meet one guy, you meet his friend, you meet his other friend’s friend. The first guy is pretty cute. The guy’s name is John…or is it Joe? Does it even matter? A little flirting goes on, nothing much. JohnJoe asks you to dance. You realize he’s kind of a sexy dancer. You realize he’s just sexy in general. You decide you want to have sex with him…and the next morning you wake up in JohnJoe’s bed wearing a lot less clothing than you were when left your room last night. Aww, JohnJoe’s a cuddler. Well, at least you picked a sweet one. Bonus! Your cellphone is in reach. Quickly swipe the lock and text your best friend: OMG! Just had a one night stand…
Sound familiar? (Maybe…) So how does a raging frat party turn into the morning after? I think we all know the answer(s) to this question. There’s a wide range of factors that contribute to one night stands: a sense of liberation, the buildup of sexual frustration, hot guys, hot girls and the intoxicating mystery that surrounds a sexy encounter with a stranger (or semi-stranger). However, collegiettes, the point of this blog post is not to try and decipher what mix of the aforementioned factors lead up to the actual occurrence of a one night stand, but instead to focus on the after.
[pagebreak]
THE GOOD: If you’re intrigued…and want to get to know him better.
Back in the day, relationships had a set timeline: date, propose, marry, and have sex. But in the 21st century (specifically at Wake Forest), we’ve definitely managed to break away from that. Collegiettes, just because you hooked up with someone sans the “woo-ing” period, doesn’t mean that you can’t gain a genuine friendship or relationship from the rendezvous. Some of my good guy friends are proof of this. Sure, it may be a little bit harder for him to purchase the cow if he’s already had a taste of the milk (I’m not calling any collegiettes cows, it’s just a saying!), but it’s not undoable. Before you leave, make sure you get his number, but more importantly: make sure HE has YOURS. This leaves the lines of communication open both ways. Ask around, and see if anyone you know knows him. Maybe you have mutual friends, thus making it easy to find some way to see him again without feeling like you’re “trying too hard.” Most importantly, if you were really digging him (and he was great in bed…) DON’T be afraid to text him first, it shows that you’re confident!
[pagebreak]
THE BAD: If you’re embarrassed…and want to pretend it never happened.
We are all human, therefore we make mistakes. The important thing is not to dwell on them, but instead to move forward and prevent the same mistake from happening again. If you feel in your heart you made the wrong decision to sleep with someone, don’t beat yourself up over it. Accept that you can’t change the past and vow to behave differently in the future. Avoiding the person can also be a good idea. If you know he is in a certain frat, or runs with a certain crowd, try staying away for a week or so until you feel comfortable enough to be around him again. However, at a small school like Wake, I realize that avoidance is not always a possibility. If you have class with said person, take the high road. Say hello and try your best to act calm and collected. If you act cool, he’ll know that he didn’t faze you – there’s nothing a guy loves more than knowing he got under your skin. Know that you don’t ever have to be bed buddies again, but you can at least be cordial.
[pagebreak]
No two collegiettes are alike, and neither are any two one night stands. Though I tried to separate them into the good and the bad, it’s not always that black and white. But no matter what, if you do engage in a one night stand, make sure it’s something you want to do. Make sure you feel comfortable with the person and are able to give effective consent (this means you are not incapacitated or coerced). It’s up to you: you have the choice to say no to sex, and you have the choice to say yes. If you say yes, make sure to use my tips to decide how to handle the “after!”
Â