When I was a little girl, Goldilocks and the Three Bears was one of my favorite fairy tales. For some reason, I found my young self intrigued by Goldilocks’ search for the perfect bowl of porridge: not too hot, not too cold, but just right. I rooted for her, and was both relieved and thrilled when she was spared a bear attack and secured her yummy breakfast. Now, years later, I think I have figured out what made this fairytale so appealing…
Collegiettes, use your imagination, and bear with me (I had to!) for a minute…perhaps Goldilocks is really just a metaphor for us love struck females searching for our “perfect oatmeal”…er, relationship…
Seem crazy? Think about this: I know there are some Deacons who date at Wake, but on the other hand, I know a lot more girls here who are dating guys at surrounding colleges or out of state: the girls engaged in the Long Distance Relationship.
So exactly how long is a Long Distance Relationship? Is an LDR governed by the miles that separate you and your boyfriend? Is someone who dates a guy at Elon in the same LDR as someone who dates a boy at Yale? Is an LDR determined by the amount of times you see each other every year? Every month? Every week? Or is it determined by the number of other guys you have secretly hooked up with while you two were apart…?
If you don’t know the answers collegiettes, have no fear. I’m your Goldilocks. I’m on the hunt to determine what’s just right when it comes to a LDR, and better still, I’m here to share…
[pagebreak]
Too Long
The most important thing to remember about a Long Distance Relationship is that it still is a Relationship. This means it requires attention, respect, and sometimes a little bit of work. It also means that it goes both ways. If you find that you can barely recall the last time you and your boy had a real conversation on the phone (texting does not count as a real convo!), let alone the last time you talked in person, it might be time to reconsider what is going on between you two. Most collegiettes look for intimacy, trust and friendship in their romantic relationships. If your guy goes to school super far away, it will obviously be hard for you to have “intimate” moments together (both physically and emotionally), so it is important to focus on trust and friendship. Since you don’t see each other in person, you have to make an effort to really keep in touch…so you don’t lose both the physical and emotional aspect of your relationship. If you simply cannot make time to talk to each other (I reiterate: a few texts a day is not talking…neither is a random drunk phone call) then is your LDR even a relationship at all? Maybe it’s time to re-consider…
Too Short
Take out your cell phone. Scroll through your texts from the last two weeks with your best girlfriends. If the conversations involve a) you not responding because you were with your boyfriend, b) a response of “Sorry I can’t…my boyfriend’s here/coming tonight” or c) a response from your boyfriend saying “Hey this is ______’s boyfriend. Sorry we’re busy right now” you may be involved in a LDR that is not long enough. Sure, college is a time of experimentation in all aspects of self-identity, friendship and love. And yes, I have been in love and know what it feels like to want to spend every waking second with that one special person. But if you’re sacrificing your friendships to visit your guy’s school, or holing up with him in your room every weekend, you may be hurting both yourself and your LDR. Every relationship needs space to breathe. To prevent losing friendships at Wake, and inevitable boredom from over-seeing your BF, make sure to designate a weekend a month for just you and the girls, and him and the boys. I promise you can make it another week without seeing each other. Also, when you plan visits with each other, make sure they are equally distributed among both schools: if he comes to Wake this week, make sure the next time you see each other is at his university.
[pagebreak]
Just Right
If you can find a way to keep your relationship striving despite not being physically together, and a way to balance your girlfriend and boyfriend time, you will have an LDR that’s just right! To achieve this, try carving out certain times a week when you talk with your boy on the phone or by Skype. Make sure that during this time you are engaging in honest conversations: if you miss him, say so. If something’s not working, make sure you speak up and tell him that, too. He can’t possibly know how you feel if he is a thousand miles away (unless you tell him). When it comes to the balance of friends/boyfriend, make sure to tell your girls a few days in advance if he is coming to visit, or if you are visiting him. That way, no last- minute feelings are hurt when you disappear for the weekend.
If you follow these tips, instead of being rewarded with the perfect bowl of porridge, you’ll have the perfect LDR: complete with the intimacy, trust and friendship that we all want with our partner. Congrats, Goldilocks!
Â