Sometimes in college we find ourselves wondering whether or not we’re comfortable with the pace and substance of our relationships; if we aren’t, then change has to happen. One element of relationships that troubles me greatly at Wake is the apparent health of the relationships on campus. I know amazing people in seemingly healthy relationships but I know people who stay in poor relationships because they feel like they have to or they’re unaware of how toxic their relationship is. Sometimes, unhealthy relationships aren’t overly apparent when they aren’t abusive, but emotional abuse is very unhealthy too. I know that people don’t know what makes a relationship healthy or unhealthy.
If you feel….
…entirely consumed by the relationship
…isolated from your friends and/or your family
…your partner plays mind games
…your partner makes all the decisions and/or has all of the control
…like you are physically or emotionally trapped
…like you cannot grow individually
…completely stifled or cannot express your viewpoints and ideas
…like you walk on eggshells to avoid your partner
…like you can’t productively discuss problems in the relationship
…made to feel guilty about spending time alone or with your friends
…your partner is irrationally jealous
…your partner is overly critical
…monitored all the time
If you feel any of the above sentiments, then the relationship you’re in is not healthy. My list isn’t complete or exhaustive, but if you feel like any of those apply to you, then you should seriously think about the goals and directions of your relationship. The same sentiments apply for friendships as well. Too many people our age are in situations, friendships, and relationships that make them unhappy due to the lack of autonomy and control in their inner circles. When you encounter a red flag, confront it with that person and stand up for yourself because when you don’t that creates the beginnings of unhealthy relationships.
A healthy relationship includes elements of cooperation, support, trust, and accountability. It is equal, both parties accept responsibility for their actions, there is mutual respect both emotionally and mentally, physically and sexually. People in healthy relationships trust each other, make decisions together both big and small, and hold each other accountable. These seem super official and “THRIVE”y, but I promise it is more subtle and relaxed than you think. A healthy relationship is work and effort but is actually relaxed and not stressful. Sticking around in a unhealthy relationship is the worst thing you could do for yourself. If you or someone you know needs help and support, two Wake resources are the CARE Team and the University Counseling Center.
CARE
336-758-2645
University Counseling Center
118 Reynolda Hall
336-758-5273
Photos courtesy of:
http://previews.123rf.com/images/wavebreakmediamicro/wavebreakmediamicro…
http://lipmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/couple-fighting1.jpg
http://www.cheatsheet.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/young-Couple-not-ta…