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Campus Gas (’11)

After a convincing campaign, I am happy to announce that “Campus Gas for Campus Cutie” has finally come into fruition.  Meet the three infamous and straight-out ridiculous men of Campus Gas, seniors Sam, Cian, and Ryan   
Editor’s Note: This may be the longest Campus Cutie you will ever read, but it’s worth it – I promise.

Name: Sam (’11)

Hometown: Kansas City, KS
Major: Psychology and Political Science
Future career: Stay at home dad
Dream girl: Halle Berry in her catwoman outfit
Your idol: Larry Bird
Favorite TV show as a kid: Gumby.  He and I share a very similar body type
Most embarrassing moment: In first grade, I was in a really intense game of four-square but I had to pee really badly. I had spent the afternoon getting up to the first square, and I wasn’t about to throw that away. I sprinted to the bathroom when the teacher blew the whistle to end recess, but I didn’t make it.
Best place on earth and why? Oklahoma Joe’s back in KC. It was listed as one of the ten places in the world you need to eat before you die.
If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?  A kitten. You could literally do whatever you wanted and it would still be considered adorable.
Ifyou could have lunch with anyone, living or dead, who would it be and why?  Bill Murray, he’s hilarious.

Name: Cian aka CD34MVP (’11)

Hometown: Scituate, Massachusetts via Dublin, Ireland
Major: Finance and Staying Dry … tough semester, let me tell you!!
Future career: Although I have little experience in the field, I always figured that I could make it big in this world as an illustrator for children’s books.
Dream girl: Either Maria from the Magnolia Room or Summer Roberts from Season 1 of the OC. “I’m in love! I’m in love! And I don’t care who knows it!”<3
Your idol: Chuckie Finster from the Rugrats because of his ability to cope with the pitfalls of having red hair. Yea maybe he tried to dye it black in one episode but that was literally, one episode. I bet more than ¾’s of the Rugrats audience who consider themselves “avid” fans don’t even remember that mid-toddlership crisis. 
Favorite TV show as a kid: Global G.U.T.S.  – “Best All-around” in 8th grade so I knew that I had what it took to hold up the Agrocrag.
Mostembarrassing moment: Ah yes, it was a cool spring day, just after lunch at Tucker School in Milton, MA. All I was thinking that day was that nothing better could possibly follow up an artificially created Rib-b-q sandwich than gym class. Much to my chagrin, however, lunch would be the last time I smiled that day. Not even 3 minutes into class the gym teacher, Mr. Green, put us on a “timeout” outside to yell at us for not listening to instructions Obviously I was struggling a bit because my body is not designed to derive much nutritional value from the Rib-b-q. Anyways, I asked Mr. Green if I could run back inside because I had to use the little boy’s room to which he rudely replied, “Make it quick!” I had not even made it up 10 stairs before I realized I was too far away. Next thing I knew I was squatting behind the dumpster in the corner of the playground – mission accomplished. After we got called inside I remember we had to sit down and wait for the teacher. Yes, you guessed it; apparently I missed my target and was now sitting in it. At first I went with the denial option, pointing fingers at anyone and anything I could. After about 3 minutes, my face turned bright red and I was on an emotional roller coaster. Everything came crashing down though when my teacher, Ms. Goslin came over and gave me the classic facetious yet omniscient, “face-tilted” look that said it all. At that time, the most embarrassing moment of my life, I did the only thing I could; straight up just started to cry and ran out of the gym…
Best place on earth and why? Campus Gas (aka 1307 Polo Road) because every brick or piece of wood that the house is built with was at some point in time part of a famous landmark. That said, we have wood from the hull of Columbus’ Santa Maria, pillars that came from the storied Parthenon in Greece, and the glass in our windows that played a crucial role in protecting the first ten Presidents.
If you could be any animal, what would you be and why? Without hesitation I would be a Siberian Tiger. Like me, the Siberian Tiger is quite attractive, extremely stoic, and loves to take afternoons off and frolic in the snow with friends.
If you could have lunch with anyone, living or dead, who would it be and why? The kid from the infamous youtube video that says he likes to do “hoodrat sh*t with his friends.” I am a little kid at heart and I think we would have a great time together. At the end of the day you really have to respect the hustle of a little tike like that.

Name: Ryan (’11) but sometimes I go by Mr. Squiggles because I give people the giggles.

Hometown: THE Cary, North Carolina
Major: Biology
Future career: I have always really enjoyed Chinese food and what better way to end a good Oriental meal than with a delicious and revealing fortune cookie? For this reason I would like to hold the position of Fortune Cookie Fortune Writer. Except my fortunes would be thought-provoking and seek to brighten the readers’ day. Some possible fortunes may include:

  • “Someone has Googled you recently”
  • “You will be hungry again in one hour”
  • “How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?”

And of course, all of my fortunes would include pertinent emoticons.
Dream girl: I’ve always been a huge fan of Ellen Degeneres because she loves to dance and I like to get my moves on too. Unfortunately she only hooks up with chicks and she’s a little old. I do like the down to earth looks and homely feeling of Angelina Jolie before she played home-wrecker to Brad and Jenn (Rest In Peace). Giada de Laurentiis comes to mind when considering the cooking skills I would love to see in a woman. So I guess bottom line I dream of a girl with the qualities of all three of these lovely women: a Giada DeJolie if you will.
Your idol: Lenny Kravitz. I don’t really listen to his music and I couldn’t name one of his songs but the fact that he’s out there doing it makes me respect him that much more.
Favorite TV show as a kid: Hands down it’s the classic Are You Afraid of the Dark? Very few people know this show was Canadian in origin and was first filmed in French.  Either way, I am glad they made the translation because I remember pulling out the TV Guide from the newspaper every Monday and circling when this show would be on during the upcoming week. I would be sure to have my mom make a bowl of popcorn approximately ten minutes before show time but oftentimes I didn’t even eat all the popcorn. It’s just hard to consume food when your hands are busy holding the covers skintight over your face because yes: I am afraid of the dark. Guilty.
Most embarrassing moment: My most embarrassing moment came in late middle school and may or may not have required a few sessions at the psychiatrist to get over. It was a warm and balmy day on the playground and both eighth grade classes had combined for recess due to the beautiful weather. We were playing kickball and I was obviously kicking a cool 3 for 4 with two triples and a homerun. I was on fire because there was a girl in the other class (a one Miss Haley Under brook, saint of a woman) who I was trying to impress. She was playing right field so, yeah, I was making contact and pushing all my balls her way (that’s what she said). Any who, I rocked one shot so hard it got stuck in a loblolly pine and I, following the universal playground rule of “kickers-go-getters”, went to retrieve it. While showing my amazing tree scaling skills I managed to rip quite a large hole in my pants. Everyone was looking at me and just lost their minds laughing. I happened to be wearing a pair of underwear that was a gift from my grandmother with a bear on the butt holding a potting shovel and it was labeled “Hairy Potter” so I’m sure that did not help my case. Long story short, I had to stay up in the tree for half an hour until the janitor came to my assistance with a trash bag that I could use as a cover-up.  
Best place on earth and why? This would have to be the Taktshang Monastery in Bhutan. My sophomore year I spent the summer trying to find myself and let me tell you, I found myself at this wonderful scenic temple. Completed in 1692, the monastery hangs precariously from a cliff approximately 10,200 feet above beautiful Paro Valley. The pristine carvings have been compared to a stone Sistine Chapel and it has even been considered for the 8th wonder of the world (which C-Gas is actually voting for next week). The name Taktshang means “the whiptails lizards nest” which is ironic because these creatures do not create nests nor do they even reproduce sexually. I believe this name is a commentary on the complicated things that we encounter on this little blue ball we call Earth.
If you could be any animal, what would you be and why? I would most certainly be a sparse, blue-eyed, true white-haired lion; praised and valued for beauty and rareness; a mysterious anomaly, exotic, sought after, fierce, and powerful. But more importantly they are in tune to being loyal and being there for family and friends, protective of those they care for, caring for the young and old, a bit curious about strange things and it should be noted that these exceptional tigers have also scientifically been proven to have sexual intercourse for pleasure- a rarity in the animal kingdom.
If you could have lunch with anyone, living or dead, who would it be and why? I would like to have a nice Thai meal with the inventor of the Shake Weight. I would give him a strong handshake and say “Thank you” and we all know why (wink face).

Kelsey Garvey is a junior English major at Wake Forest University. Her upbringing in Connecticut, otherwise known as country club land, inspired her to write in order to escape and locate something more. Writing has also acted as her outlet to dabble in subjects far beyond her my intellectual capacity: art, culture, design, fashion, photography, and music. Other than reading Vogue and Vanity Fair cover-to-cover, Kelsey enjoys frequenting the blogosphere, speaking franglais in daily conversation, and laughing at her own pathetic jokes. Feel free to email her with any questions or comments.
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