Dating is not particularly common in the college setting—the type that comes with dinner and flowers and jewelry. In fact, a typical college relationship mainly consists of casual hookups and the occasional daytime texting. But what if you’ve been casual with the same guy for more than a semester now? You’ve suddenly developed feelings for this guy, you look forward to his texts, make sure your physical appearance looks good in case you run into him, and you even feel a little jealousy when you see him talking to other girls at a party. But how can you take it to the next level? And why is it such a problem for guys?
Why won’t guys consider an exclusive relationship? It’s simple, really. Boys are afraid of commitment. When they commit to one girl, and remove any others from their lives, they sometimes feel like it’s a trap they’ve gotten into. Guys have this mental fear that exclusivity means that all of their time, money, and affection will have to go to you. And if you think about it, that’s quite a big responsibility for them to handle. College guys, especially freshmen and sophomores, still have the mindset of having the freedom to do whatever they want, and chill with their bros. They don’t want a girl to weigh them down. This is why it’s sometimes up to us to initiate the level-up in the relationship.
1. Bring it up lightly into conversation. If you feel like you two are comfortable enough with each other, then bring up exclusivity or dating into a conversation you are having. Don’t just mention it out of nowhere, because that might overwhelm him. Instead, just gradually get the conversation to veer into the subject of dating. He knows that the two of you would have to talk it out anyway. And in this manner, he will open up to you.
2. Make a bold move. This is for the girl that is really comfortable with her guy. For example, mention grabbing dinner off campus one night. You’re away from campus, which is a nice break from the people you’re surrounded by daily. Sometime during the date, try to make a “move,” like holding his hand or kissing his cheek. Since you’re not on campus, he may be more open about this. Plus, he will have an idea about how you feel about him.
3. Act “chill” if he is hesitant about it. Let’s say that you have mentioned taking it to the next level with him, and he isn’t really too keen about it. Well, don’t worry or freak out. Just because he said no, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to stop talking to you. As stated before, he probably is afraid of the responsibility of dating and isn’t ready for that. Just act “chill” about things, like nothing bothers you, for a little while. Once the two of you are comfortable with each other again, then try to bring it up a second time. And if he still isn’t ready for it, then maybe you’re better off being just friends.
Until next time,
Aphrodite