“I like big butts and I cannot lie…that butt was stuffed deep in the jeans she’s wearing, I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring.” Thank you Sir-Mix-A-Lot for your poignant way with words, where would we be without this classic? Seriously though—I like big butts…and just as seriously, I often find myself staring at other women’s badonkadonks. I like looking at other women’s bodies and seeing what they have to offer, and whether or not they dress themselves well, or maybe I’m just a judgmental betch and I want to talk s**t immediately, who knows. It’s a little peculiar, I guess, but I also think it’s pretty natural. I want to be able to see how I compare to others on the market. I also just appreciate a nice wagon (hence the blog name- wagon watching). You go girl, rock that thannng. My mottos always been “it pays to advertise”, and those spandex volleyball a$$-all-out-shorts (you don’t play volleyball, but it’s cool) are doing just that.
My super classy boyfriend introduced this term “wagon watching” to me when we first started “talking”—you know that awkward time between you’re nuffin’ but a hook-up schmook-up and if you ‘do’ anyone else I’ll castrate you. Anyway, he too appreciates a fat a$$, if you will, and we often ‘wagon watch’ together. Mind you, I am not a lesbian, I am not bi-sexual, and I never had one of those nights where I accidentally had an entire bottle of wine and kinda maaaybe hooked-up with my best girlfriend. Just never felt the need to explore that side of the coin. Nothing wrong with those things, they just aren’t particularly interesting to me.
So, as I am looking at these strangers’ booties I can’t help but compare them (and myself) to the standards of society, which most often are revealed through the use of the media. Tabloids can’t seem to decide whether they want stick thin model types (i.e. Lindsey Lohan’s train wreck of a life), or bodacious beauties (i.e. Kim Kardashian’s train wreck of a life) to rule the covers—and all too lately it seems like getting a bun in the oven is the way to go (enter Beyonce and Hilary Duff). I frankly feel like my style tips come most often from the girls I see everyday, and I also make my own judgments about where our standards for weight should be. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend and I do not wagon watch for the same reasons, but it is a fun couple’s activity that I recommend to both men and women. I just advocate leaving the jealousy at the door for this one.
On to my next topic—jean pockets—hence the pocket poaching aspect of the title. I feel like I need to explain my weird
phraseology. While wagon watching I always notice what kind of pants a girl is wearing, especially jeans. I like looking at the pockets, because fun pockets always draw my attention and I tend to buy my own jeans based on how the pockets look. Specific stitching on pockets is a way for brands to market their product. Certain designs signify certain designers. For instance, I could go my whole life without seeing another American Eagle pocket, but unfortunately they have a solid hold on the pantaloons market, and are ungodly popular with the collegiate population. Dang you, American Eagle. On the other hand, I love how Rock & Republic pockets look on tushys, and I always respect a girl (or guy) who wears them…at least initially. I feel like they make a well-fitting product with classy looking pockets. This goes for Seven for all Mankind, and Citizen of Humanity as well. I think Joe’s Jeans have a time and a place, and Express’ product looks good on some shapes and forms, but not all. I however realize this is a snooty attitude, and I’m working on it, but until I squelch the habit of enjoying the finer things in life, girls, just know I am pocket poaching and wagon watching as you waddle by me on campus.