The Ultimate Ranking of Thanksgiving Dishes

Ahh Thanksgiving. The holiday of mostly bland food we eat with mostly bland company. With it being a little more than a week away, it’s time to start thinking of what dishes we will set on the table for the billionth year in a row.

 

11. Green Bean Casserole:

I have never seen a food look more unappetizing. If this is your favorite dish I’m sorry, but please continue down and treat yourself to literally any food that follows this one. Your taste buds deserve better.

 

10. Cranberry Sauce:

This the grossest semi-solid I’ve ever eaten. Maybe it's passable if your Turkey is really, really, really dry, and you don’t have gravy, and you are required to eat turkey, and you can’t lie and say your vegetarian this year, but do not, I repeat DO NOT, eat it in any other capacity. I mean c’mon just stare at the ridges—no food should fall out of a can with visible ridges.

 

9. Pumpkin Pie:

We have all been tricked, pumpkin pie is the worst. Easy way to make Thanksgiving better—have literally any other type of pie.

 

8. Sweet Potato Casserole:

Truly the most disappointing dish on this list. It’s so alluring topped with its sweet cinnamon crumbling, but that sugary goodness cannot mask how bland a sweet potato is. 

 

7. Turkey:

It’s probably the most boring type of meat… 

 

6. Gravy:

Yes, I know, not actually a dish, but with the amount that ends up on my plate it should be.

 

5. Stuffing:

It’s slightly off-putting that it’s cooked inside the turkey—I can’t tell if it’s desecration or decadent, probably both.

 

4. Pillsbury Crescent Rolls…or any other type of bread:

Carbs are delicious. Carbs with copious amounts of butter, even better.

 

3. That one dish that completes Thanksgiving:

For my family it’s a creamy corn souffle, for yours it might be a certain...casserole dish. Every family has that one side that truly makes Thanksgiving special—but if it is any food that mixes green beans with anything but staying in the can it came in, reevaluate your definition of self-respect. 

 

2. Brussel Sprouts:

When I was 10, you wouldn’t have been able to pay me to eat a Brussel Sprout, but as they say, with age comes wisdom…also helps that my Dad roasts them in bacon grease.

 

1.     Mashed Potatoes:

Was there ever a question with its dependable fluffy goodness? You can make it any way you want—with skin, without chunks, etc.—and it will unquestionably be the best thing about a meal. Potatoes just make the best foods.

 

In all seriousness, it doesn't matter where or what you end up eating on Thanksgiving, it is the friends and family you care about the most that matter. So, eat a Hot Pocket if you want, just be grateful for those who will eat one with you. Happy Thanksgiving!

 

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