When I reflect back on the past 18 years of my life, I’m reminded of the people who’ve shaped me into the young woman I am today. Three women come to mind: my mother, my grandmother and my mother’s closest friend. Each of them is the embodiment of incredible strength, wisdom and love. A lesson they’ve all taught me in their own unique ways is that the confirmation of your purpose comes through confidence in who you are. That confidence in who we are is so important and oftentimes comes from guidance and encouragement from other women. Here are four main steps for how we can walk confidently in all that we are and help the women in our lives to do the same.
- Celebration Over Competition
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Imagine yourself walking into a large art gallery. Along the walls are beautiful masterpieces of different sizes, shapes, lines and colors. Every single work of art has its own definition and visualization of beauty. This is very similar to all of us women. Each of us has diverse features, different stories and distinct passions. Far too often, we witness women competing against each other in multiple areas of life. Who is the most beautiful? Who has the best body? Who is the smartest? Who is the most successful? Who is the best at “x, y, and z?” This is a result of losing sight of the beauty in us all. We grow to become better versions of ourselves because we all hold such incredible value. That should be the driving factor in challenging ourselves. In the end, we realize it was never a competition β it was a celebration of every one of us and our growth. When we hold on tight to the reality that there is not a “winner” or “the best” in any category between women, we are able to celebrate each other’s growth.
- Inspiration over envy
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Let me tell you a quick story. When I was in middle school, I was extremely self-conscious about the fact that I was not a great singer. My best friend had a beautiful voice. I often found myself wishing I had her ability to sing well and resenting her a little bit for it. One day at lunch, she revealed to me that she wished she could paint and draw the way I could. She admitted to resenting me a little bit for it β like I did towards her when it came to singing. Through that honest conversation, we were able to recognize and appreciate our different talents. When I see women who are musically gifted, I’m inspired by the creativity, time and discipline that they pour into what they love. You have your own talents and gifts. You have passions unique to you. That is more than okay; that is an inspiration to us all. If you enjoy music, share your voice or instrument. If you enjoy sports, share your drive and excitement. If you enjoy art, share your paintings or sculptures. If you enjoy STEM, share your brilliance. Your passions and successes are a representation of the diverse talents and achievements of women. We’ll cheer you on as you represent not only the amazing things you can do, but also the amazing things we β all together β are capable of.
- dedication over dominance
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As a ballet dancer, I’ve witnessed the drive to dominate multiple times throughout my high school years. The drive to lift one’s leg the highest during barre, to do the most pirouettes during a combination, or to balance the best on pointe filled every classroom I walked in. Some classes had so much tension between the girls that you could cut it with a knife. Instead of practicing more in order to personally improve, many dancers practiced more for the sole purpose of showing everyone up in the next class. This same mentality can be applied to many areas of life outside of the dance world. There is a way to be dedicated to improving without possessing the strong desire to dominate that entire field. With the desire to dominate comes the desire for praise or recognition. Dedication allows hard work to speak for itself. It’s good for all of us to be dedicated to something. A large part of excelling in college is based on how dedicated you are to your major and future career. We must be careful that our motivations do not consume us, leading to simply wanting to show everyone else up. As women, how much better would it be for us to let our hard work and talent speak for us, while uplifting that dedication in the women around us?
- jewels over judgment
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Recently, I caught up with a few friends over some warm vanilla lattes β one of my favorite things to do. We began talking about certain instances where other women had a misconception of us. There were many times where a combination of outward appearances and first impressions led to some unpleasant tension. It saddened me that far too often we judge each other based on past hurt, rumors and misleading first impressions. I won’t fail to acknowledge that it is easy to carry past hurt and project it onto people we meet. For example, some people think all blonde girls act this way, all sorority girls act that way, all Black girls act this particular way, or all sporty girls behave like this based on previous experiences with people who fit those “categories.” However, this mentality is so damaging. I know because I’ve personally been hurt by it and have seen others get hurt by it. Just because one woman loves a full face of makeup doesn’t mean that she’s insecure. Just because another woman loves to wear a bare face does not mean that she is immune to struggling with confidence. Women are jewels, not compilations of judgements based on past experiences. We all deserve to be looked at for who we are β our character and our attributes β instead of our appearances or interests.
To empower each other means to value, uplift and celebrate each other. This world throws enough challenges our way and competing, envying, dominating or judging one another should not be added to the pile. Let us all make a commitment to encourage and inspire each other. Women are far stronger standing together than standing divided. We all have women in our lives who’ve helped shape us into who we are today. It’s now our turn to be that role model, that guide, and that encouragement for another woman.