I power walk.
Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but I definitely don’t leisurely stroll when I go out on the trail by my campus. Ever since high school, I’ve tried to force myself to be a runner, and I’m just not. Running isn’t enjoyable for me because, at one point in my life, I wasn’t running for the right reasons. As someone who has struggled with body image and her relationship with food, running takes me back to a time when I’d run as a form of punishment for or reward to eat something “bad.” While I’m no longer in that harmful place, I’m still working on building a healthier relationship with my body and food. Running isn’t a source of joy for me, but walking is.
All-day, every day, I am in my room going from online classes to Zoom meetings to writing to job searching to talking with friends to scrolling through social media to streaming something on Netflix. My mind and eyes rarely get a break from screens. The lifestyle shifts that we’ve had since the pandemic take a toll on our minds and bodies. As a college student, I’ve realized it’s especially hard for us to create boundaries between ourselves and technology. Social media is a means of connection, and our laptops are now our college experience. TikTok, Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram are all included in my day-to-day routine as ways to escape from school or whatever is going on. Walking gets me away from my phone and laptop and allows me to fully immerse in myself.
I struggle with being alone and disconnected. For a long time, I outran it. I overextended myself in relationships and overbooked my calendar to always be around others or to be busy. The pandemic forced me to really confront that pattern in my life. Going on walks is a way that I check in with myself and only focus on the relationship I have with me. Nothing matters when I’m out on a trail away from whatever work or responsibilities I have. I am there only for myself. I lean into whatever curiosity I have to go further and see where the path takes me or how my body may be saying to slow down.
Walking is the form of self-care that fits me best for the season I am in right now. I spend a lot of time in my head and my room. There have been moments where I lose perspective, and it feels like everything is crashing around me. Finding peace through the pandemic, election, school, and job hunting is difficult. So I have to physically remove myself from those stressors by going on a trail. Walking is a way that I can give back to my mind and body. Just taking it day by day, one step at a time.