“Wow, you look so beautiful today! You must have a boyfriend back at school, right?”
“Tell us all about your semester so far. Anyone special in your life right now? I mean, there must be.”
With Thanksgiving being only a week away, conversations such as these are bound to be happening for those of us who are entering the tiring and taxing boxing ring that is a family gathering over the holidays. Round after round of questions from relatives who never seem to care about what it is you have to say if you aren’t talking about a potential relationship… Believe me, we’ve all been there. So how do we deal with the guilt that is forced upon us simply for wrapping up a year without someone by our side?
For starters, IGNORE THEM. There is absolutely no good reason why anyone should ever make you feel bad for not being in a relationship. As women, for some ridiculous reason, our worth has often been determined off of the men we have in our lives. But this is absolutely not true! It can be difficult to recognize this, particularly at this time of year when family members, friends, and social media in particular tend to place pressure on you to have someone during the winter months (aka “cuffing” season). But just because the holidays are approaching does not mean you need someone by your side— in fact, you should never allow anyone to pressure you into a relationship, because that is how you become in danger of entering an unhealthy one.
If you are single this holiday season, it’s time to recognize your own strength. There is strength in being alone. There is strength in recognizing you may have been in an unhealthy relationship earlier this year, but you found the courage to leave it and thrive on your own. There is immense strength in being productive, focusing on your work, your goals, and aspirations, and in recognizing you may be at a point in your life when it simply doesn’t make sense for you to be in a relationship.
Being self-aware and focusing on your own personal needs is not selfish; it’s smart. You are the only one who is in charge of your own life, so why wouldn’t you think about yourself first? We all need to learn to be alone at times, and we all need to understand that being alone is very different from being lonely.
It’s time that we change the stigma that being single as a bad thing. You should be proud of yourself for being single, just as you should be happy for your friends who aren’t. It’s completely ridiculous for any one person to expect everyone else to be on the same page as them all of the time. Sometimes, we are at a point in our lives when we need to be alone. And eventually, we reach the point when we can recognize someone good has walked into our lives and it’s time to step out of singlehood and be open to a relationship again.
No matter what point you are at right now, know that I am proud of you, even if you feel as though your family members are not. And you will get through this holiday season, I promise you— with or without someone by your side.
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