Single Life: Investing In Yourself

I fully believe being single is such a season of life to be a little more selfish. Now I’m not promoting selfish behaviors but what I mean is that when you’re single, you’re not thinking about how your decisions are going to contribute to or change your partner. I feel like you begin to realize things about yourself you would’ve never imagined. I’m not saying that you can’t grow in a relationship because I absolutely believe you can, I’m just saying that while you’re gifted with all this freedom take advantage of that in the best ways possible.  

There are some great ways you can invest energy in yourself and provoke some thoughtful questions to ask yourself. I would first consider your environment. Is the environment you’ve cultivated for yourself fostering a place of both comfort and challenge? Right? It’s important to understand that you want a place that can fuel your tank back up but also provide you with new opportunities to grow. You might thrive in a very clean space, or you might work better with people, or in the morning vs. night. These are all things to consider and while you’re single it’s okay to experiment with different routines to discover what suits you best. 

Time is the next valuable thing. You need to analyze how you manage your time and if that time is being used in the most valuable ways. Consider your priorities first (school, faith, family, etc.) and set aside time for those things first. Then, consider your goals and your passions and invest time into those in a manner such that it’s productive. If you don’t know exactly what those are yet, experiment with new hobbies and really think deeply about how certain things make you feel. Think about why you react the way you do to certain things, or why certain movies are your favorites, or how certain music makes you feel. Really invest time into establishing who you are and who you want to be. I think this takes a lot of trial and error but even in the error you’re going to learn something.  

 Then, I would say look at what is within this environment you’ve established. Are relationships fulfilling you or diminishing you? It’s very important to understand who exactly it is you’re allowing access to yourself and ask yourself if they’re adding to your life or taking away from it. Do they have your best interests at heart? If not, you have to cut them loose because they’re taking away energy from you that can be better spent on yourself. 

My friends always say, “Jenna how do you walk away,” “How do you get rid of the feeling of wanting him,” “Jenna how did you get over your previous relationship.” I always say I spent time with myself to understand what is important to me not only in a partner but what matters the most to myself. I feel like if you’re single and you’re in the position of wanting to date, you’re probably going to face rejection, and it’s easy to be like but how could they not want me, but you must remember it’s not always a you problem. I always tell my friends the best way to approach these situations is to not get your hopes up or else you’ll be disappointed. I think often we place so much value in someone right away and that’s great, but you can’t get caught up in over placing their value. You sort of have to put them at a bar and see just how they fit into your lifestyle and put up boundaries about what is acceptable to you and what is not; like what your non-negotiables are and stick to those. And I always tell my friends if someone is not investing in you don’t invest in them! Don’t initiate things with someone who doesn’t really care about how much you’re giving to them. You are just wasting time! You must draw a line and build a sense of respect for yourself to understand when it’s time to push the pause button, or not even pause but delete. Stop dwelling on the what ifs or the how doesn’t he/she like me and put that energy into yourself because soon you’ll be asking why you even allowed them access to you in the first place. If you like them so much that you just can’t stop, ask yourself what it is you really like about them and become that person yourself, because you’re literally GIVING this person such much power over you when you could be using that on yourself.  

The truth is that you can’t make somebody like you by giving them more of what they already don’t appreciate!!!!! 

I tell my friends to stop trying to convince people. If you stop trying to be like Chip and Joanna Gaines on Fixer Upper, then suddenly your world opens to all the other people that really do genuinely like you for you, platonic or romantic. Honestly, you’ll be so happy that this one thing didn’t work out because on a timescale it’s so minute that you don’t even realize how much you can grow and accomplish because you’re trapping yourself in la la land.  

What I’m saying is that being single is such a precious thing that really allows you to cultivate an inner world you could only dream about but also within that recognizing when things no longer suit you or when things fade out of your life, and to not be upset about it but to embrace it and take all of the knowledge and time with yourself you can get so one day you can enjoy your time to the fullest with somebody else.