The media lately has been all about giving us “strong female leads” but sometimes they miss the mark on what that truly means. Today’s female leads are typically either stoic or sassy–they are physically tough as nails or don’t care about their appearance. They typically refuse to ask for help, even when they should.
Dear media, when we asked for female leads to relate to, that didn’t mean we just want bad*ss robots or sassy bad b*tches! We wanted the female leads that actually portray the complexity of the female psyche and exhibit true strength of character beyond a facade of cheap snarky remarks or ability to physically overpower men. The media has created a generation of mean girls who arm their fragile egos with rude remarks and mistakenly call it strength while the girls who are kind and compassionate are labeled as “weak.”
This is part of the reason feminism can get a bad rep. We have allowed the media to define strong women as rude women who are apathetic to the feelings of others as long as it means personal victory. Strength is about doing what needs to be done even when it’s difficult. Yes, sometimes that means punching the “bad guy” or a sassy retort to the person bullying your friend. But more often than not, it’s about so much more than that.
PSA: You can cry or giggle. You can have the long hair and makeup that’s on point. You can wear that frilly pink dress. You can admit to your faults. You can be in a relationship. You can ask for help when you’re just out of your depth. Absolutely NONE of that influences your strength.
The female leads of most movies today are separated into two categories: the stoic heroes and the emotional damsels in distress. You can be a bad*ss and still cry when watching The Notebook or shamelessly giggle at the cat videos in your newsfeed. Just because you like puppies and kittens and flowers doesn’t mean you’re not the hero. You can be hero by joining the military, by being a nurse or teacher, by being active in philanthropy, or even just through random acts of kindness. Having emotions is part of being human!
Remember: You are the protagonist in your own story. You might not get to write the plot twists, but you do get to write how you respond to them! As long as you have the courage to do the right thing in the face of adversity, even if the adversity you face is merely an apathetic society, you can be a hero, even if you aren’t a power weightlifter or a master in martial arts–but that’s cool too. Also, understand that it takes strength to realize when you need help. Asking for help doesn’t make you a damsel in distress, but it does makes you a smart leader.
In the movies, the “strong” girl is always the one with the sassy response. When we were kids, our moms would tell us “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” While that may seem juvenile advice, there is a lot of wisdom in that. It’s easy to defend our pride with a snarky remark. It’s a lot harder to bite our tongue and walk away or respond in a respectful manner. True strength is having compassion for human weakness. A majority of the time, the way people treat you is stemming from their own insecurities. Remember that girl that just seems to hate you for no reason or the guy at the bar that asked for your number are dealing with their own battles. You don’t have to be friends with everyone or let them walk over you but treat everyone with dignity and respect—even when they make it reallllllllyyyy difficult. That’s true strength.
Nowadays girls that always make sure their makeup is flawless, that their outfit is put together, and have a general care in their personal appearance are often labeled as “prissy” and are underestimated. Trust me, a girl dressed well is a girl that can accomplish anything. You don’t have to pretend that you don’t care. If you want to care, CARE! Watch those makeup videos. Pin those outfit ideas on Pinterest. Just remember to keep your priorities straight and never let your appearance keep you from having a good time or doing what needs to be done.
Today’s millennials often look down on girls in relationships. We look at the girls in unhealthy relationships and act like that is how all relationships are. This is not true in the least. It is totally possible to be a strong and independent woman in a healthy relationship. As long as a woman doesn’t let her relationship define her, knows her worth, and demands to be treated with respect, a relationship in no way diminishes her independence and strength. Sure you don’t need a man but there is no shame in wanting one. But, if you’re happy with your single status, then no worries! Just don’t deprive yourself of an experience due to false preconceived ideas.
In the wise words of Winnie the Pooh, “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” There different types of strength, heroes, and leaders in this world. Be your own kind.
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