Throughout grade school, I’d like to think I was the kind of kid who didn’t let others impact their style. I truly wore and styled myself the way I wanted to. I mean, I cut my hair into a pixie cut when I was 12 because Jennifer Lawrence did it, and I couldn’t tell you a single 12-year-old who would have been able to do that after having long hair their whole life. In middle school, I was involved in all the franchises, such as “The Hunger Games,” “Divergent,” “Harry Potter,” “Doctor Who,” you name it. I embodied all that was 2014 Tumblr. I even wore a “Doctor Who” shirt on my first day of high school. While I still had my decent style in high school, it was never anything I put a lot of thought into.
The funny thing is, though, everything I wore and did was inspired by what I thought of it. Sure, I saw how those classic Tumblr girls dressed and posed and thought it was cute, and occasionally did it myself, but I never really made it my ‘thing’ if that makes sense. I didn’t rely on a certain way of dressing to determine who I was or how I would fit in with my friend group because nobody minded what the other wore. With all honesty, I don’t think I can ever recall sitting back and talking about what someone was wearing.
All of that went out the window when I came to college. It gives me whiplash just thinking about it. When I arrived in Blacksburg, it didn’t hit me at first that everyone looked nearly identical in style, but once it did, I couldn’t unsee it. Everyone was in Lululemon leggings and had Air Force 1s with a bright-colored Hydro Flask, and at this time, I had no idea what either of those was and what the big deal was. I mocked the idea of spending that much on things that every single person already owned.
I kept my usual style of just wearing whatever I had that first year until we got sent home in March due to the pandemic. Once summer hit, I started thinking about how I needed to amp my style, and I would use all my new followers from college as a reference. After all, the only way we would see people would be through social media, and everyone put the best of their looks on there.
All of this put a lot of pressure on my style, and I’ve spent the last year stressing my sense of fashion more than ever. It’s a little disappointing, to be honest with you. I took a lot of pride in not letting societal standards get to me, but then I bought the Air Forces and Hydro Flask, along with other things that I knew were just part of the current trends. I’ve used all of it, of course, but that still didn’t help how discouraged I felt about starting to look like everyone else. Even today, I struggle to figure out if I like something because I, as a person, like it, or if everyone else likes it. Even though they are for me and my creative expression only, I still think about everyone else.
Now that I’ve thought about it, I don’t think I will be so hard on myself about it anymore. As we keep saying, the pandemic was a tough time. It was hard in every crevice of our lives, especially our social lives. Our only way of contact with humanity was through screens. We saw how those gorgeous people would dress well on that one, random day of the week, and determined that’s what we wanted our entire aesthetic to be because, why not? We wanted to come out of COVID with a new outlook on life and a brand new pair of shoes we knew everyone would like because everyone had them.
I’m currently working on being more centered in what I like over what others like, and that’s a lot harder than people make it out to be. I want to be happy with how I look or what I wear on my own without feeling like I need the approval of others. I still try to keep up with the times and dress trendy, but I want my fashion to lean more towards modern wear over styles that won’t be here this time next year. I don’t always succeed with this, but I’m trying.
I gave a lot of clothes away the other day because I simply didn’t like the style of them anymore. As hard as that was, I’m grateful for the evolution taking place within me. I feel like clothing and style can represent us as people and in some ways, tell our stories. I want my clothing to show me as strong, confident, creative, and unique, and while I don’t think I’m completely there yet, I do believe I’m on the right track.
