One Love, Two Love, Three Love, More?
“Polyamory: The state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time.” (Merriam-Webster)
“Polyamory: The practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved.” (Oxford Dictionary)
Have you ever had a moment where you were taking a hard look at your life and you questioned whether or not you loved someone? Have you ever wondered if you loved more than one person, or were in love with more than one person? I want you to ponder those questions and at the end of this I hope you will understand not only my sexual orientation, but an entire community.
When I was around 12 years old I started to “date” and that is when my life turned into a hot mess. I had four guys that I was juggling at that time (one ended up being gay, but I will save that story for another time) and I honestly did not know why I could not pick just one person. It was as if I had four different hearts and each one was telling me to be with a different person. Now, granted this was middle school so none of these relationships really worked out the way I hoped and in hindsight I am glad they did not. This was also the time where I “found myself” and decided to come out as bi-sexual to some of my close friends and my mother. It was an emotional rollercoaster that I would not ever want to get on again because it was horrible and confusing.
Now I got older, and supposedly when that happens you are expected to get wiser, but I truly do not know if that ever happened to me as I will still just as confused as I was when I was twelve. I went to a decent high school that was lacking in much diversity so the few friends of color I had all knew each other. I dated an amazing guy and he made me feel like a queen but when he left for college it was almost like middle school was repeating itself all over again. I still loved him even though we decided to break up, but I felt like I had grown another heart because I was growing closer to someone else and I loved them too. It is safe to say that it was confusing and I ended up not dating for the last two years of high school because of it.
I could not identify what I was feeling or why I was feeling it. All I ever wanted was to be a normal girl, go to college, get married, have children and own a car. I had the typical dreams of a young girl but it was all thrown off as I could never imagine myself getting married, and it was extremely hard to see myself ever settling down with just one person. I cannot remember where I first heard about polyamory but the concept sounded and felt vaguely similar to what I was going through so I tried to look into it more.
A common misconception is that people just use polyamory as a way to have multiple sexual partners without feeling as though they are in some way cheating on someone or just being promiscuous. This is not what polyamory is, at least not to the majority of people who identify this way. Polyamory means that you love many people and this can mean different things for different people because there is more than one type of love. This was hard for me to understand but as I started to accept the way I felt about people it became more apparent that I loved certain people for very specific reasons.
Now, go back to the beginning. What were your answers to those questions? If you said “yes” to any of them, I do not want you to think in any way that I am trying to persuade you to think that you are polyamorous. This is what I want you to do: I want you to imagine thinking that question to yourself every day, and that is how I think about love. I question myself every day if I love someone, and then if I love more than just that one person. It seems crazy but that is how my mind works.
There are so many people out there who love multiple people and it is completely normal. I want people to understand that polyamory is real, and it is sometimes very confusing to a person who may not understand what or why they are feeling the way they do.
The point of this was to give a platform to a part of our society that seems to be brushed under the rug because it does not fit any of the molds that have been created and accepted by society. I hope that this may have opened you to the idea of exploring and learning about different groups of people, because our differences are what make us all unique. If someone identifies as polyamorous, they are not weird or looking for an excuse to do whatever or whoever they want. They are truly just looking for love just like everyone else, they just happen to love a little differently than most people.
Here is the amazing thing about polyamory: many loves. I don’t know about you, but I wholeheartedly believe you can never have too much love. Love wins, whether it is between two people or a few people.
Image Sources: Giphy.com