7 Tips for a Long Distance Relationship
College can be a very awkward time for relationships. You move away from home and get your own place. There are tons of new people (and boys) to meet and you don’t know how to handle yourself at first, much less handle someone else. Do you even want a boyfriend? Are you just trying to have fun? Do you miss someone from home? There are so many questions. Without a doubt, one of the most complicated relationships in college is a long-distance relationship. Whether you’re still dating someone from high school, or have started dating someone that lives somewhere else, the problems are still there. I have compiled a list of things you should do and some things you should never, ever do. As someone who has been in a long-distance relationship for 2 and a half years, I think I have a good amount of authority on the subject. P.S. There’s no judgment here because I have probably (definitely) done all of the negative things on this list (more than once).
1. First and foremost, define your relationship. Are you high school sweet hearts that are going to try to
make it work? Or are you just a summer fling that you’re holding onto? Weigh the pros and cons of dating long distance and think about things like: how far you are away from each other, how serious you are, how often you can see each other, is it really worth it or could you find someone better that is closer (tough to answer but necessary)?
2. Don’t expect a 30 minute conversation every single night.There is a reason that he is not there with you. It’s because he’s busy. He is probably working or doing homework during the week, and can’t dedicate his whole night to you. Send a few text messages before going to bed or maybe even talk for five minutes. Long conversations are good but they don’t have to happen every night. You’ll end up being annoyed that you are not doing the other things you need to be doing. Lastly, when he says he needs to get off the phone, let him. Don’t whine about it and guilt him into talking to you.
3. Don’t badger him with questions.“Where are you?” “What are you doing tonight?” “Why aren’t you texting me back?” Blah blah blah. Most girls are probably guilty of this one but it happens even more in long distance relationships. Don’t obsess over where your boyfriend is. Don’t ask him what he is doing every second of every day just because you miss him or you want to talk. And definitely don’t ask him where he is because you’re suspicious. If you’re suspicious, you either need to get rid of him or assess the trust in your relationship.
4. Encourage each other.Although it’s annoying to ask too many pointless questions, do ask the questions that really matter. Ask your man how his day was, how school was, how work was, etc. And here’s the most important part – actually care. Don’t just ask him how his day was so you can talk about how horrible your day was when they ran out of muffins at ABP. Care about what he’s saying, encourage him when he’s having a rough day, and let him talk about his day when he’s having a good one.
5. Change up methods of communication.This sounds weird but it really works. Of course you can do all the usual stuff like text messages and phone convos, but it’s fun to change things up every once in awhile. Send each other e-mails, post funny videos on Facebook, use Skype or Google Hangouts, or even send each other letters! Changing modes of communication keeps you both excited to talk to each other.
6. Trust each other. Long distance relationships are hard. It’s easy to over think things. It’s easy to begin arguments about things you would never argue about in person. Just remember this: If you don’t have absolute trust in each other, you have nothing.
7. Stop whining.I added this last one as an afterthought when I realized I was annoying myself. A few of my best friends are also in long distance relationships so sometimes we just have to vent to each other. Long distance relationships get really tough so it’s nice to have someone to talk to. However, talking about it all the time only brings you, your significant other, and the people around you down. If you’re in a long distance relationship, you made that choice. You could have walked away, but you didn’t. Things are probably not going to change as long as you are in college, so what good is whining? And trust me, your friends (even those in also in long distance relationships) don’t want to hear about how you miss him all the time. It’s a serious downer. It’s perfectly normal (and healthy) to miss the other person, but don’t dwell on it. You have to live your own life in order to make it work. P.S. If you see each other every weekend, absolutely no whining is allowed. Its five days, get over yourself.