When you are a kid, you expect the life you live, the friends you have, everything in general to stay the same. I know it was unrealistic for me to keep this train of thought but my inner stubborn self was like; of course everything will stay the same and perfect. But at the end of the day it didn’t. I suppose it hit me this week when Thanksgiving break started, when I actually had time to stop what I was doing…not worrying about professors or deadlines, but rather sitting and reflecting on my time in college. As we are picking classes for the new semester and looking at rushing in the spring, now is the time to truly think about the time I have spent here. It’s insane to think that the Brooklyn from before college is the same Brooklyn as present Virginia Tech Brooklyn…
The reason I actually chose to even apply to this school was because my ex boyfriend made this school his dream school and encouraged me to apply because, well, why not? I don’t know why Virginia Tech was never on my list of schools, I think it was because of how prestigious it is. Everyone knows Virginia Tech and the pride people have for it is something fierce, but Virginia Tech was a school that bred people for success, and to me? I never thought I fit that standard. Sure I got decent grades and did extracurricular activities but, I was never qualified as gifted or amazing in STEM, I was just little old me. Average Brooklyn. A normal girl with a normal goal to be a teacher. Virginia tech I always assumed was for scientists, physicists, biologists….not teachers. After a little encouragement though I applied and surprisingly enough I got in. I could tell everyone was boggled by the idea of me going to Virginia Tech and I was pretty boggled myself but it happened. Once I realized I was actually going I felt absolutely sick at the thought, this meant no being home all the time, no being able to go to Mikayla’s just cause or Kenny’s for late night Sonic, no begging my grandma to buy pretzels, no more….normal. No more mundane, it would be a new adventure for me and I was scared. I wanted everything to be the same. To be as perfect as it had been for the past year. Things were finally in place my senior year only for it now to be shattered. So, I did want any coming of age protagonist to do and spend my last time doing things I rarely do. I went out with Mikayla to the beach and got milkshakes and drove around for the fun of it, I went out bowling with my theater crew until late at night, and I hung out with Kenny at his place playing Just Dance. I was hoping this would cure my home sickness as I did one last hurrah before going…..but it didn’t. Instead it caused me to start sobbing at 1am wondering to myself, Was this the right move? Was I doing the right thing? Was I ready for this?
I contemplated those questions a lot at the beginning of school. As my normal A’s turned to B’s and the work I would usually turn in was subpar in comparison to being magnificent in highschool. As making friends which I found easy became quite a struggle and getting involved in extracurriculars turned out to be more of a hassle then the usual stress relief. As the one who always kept getting roles to now getting passed up every audition. To say I wasn’t adjusting well to begin with was an understatement, I mean why couldn’t things just stay the same? My best friends, the ones from high school I talk to once a week if I was lucky, now that right there? Knowing that broke my heart because I had made a promise to myself, a promise that I was going to keep things the same and I broke it. The updates I get on my friends’ lives made me feel a bit envious, how things could continue for them, how they were back at home with their families and still seeing each other and I was the one missing out. Everyone got to have things stay the same, everyone got to have stability except me. Once realizing this, I found myself at any time I would be researching about transferring or deferring or anything I could do to go back home and still get my degree. I wanted an alternative, I wanted a way out, this was not what I signed up for and I could feel myself becoming like a rubber band that had been stretched to its limit, I was at my breaking point. Then I met new people, who took me in, they listened and cared and tried new things with me and showed me that hey it was valid to feel this way but everything doesn’t need to stay the same to be good. Hanging around these people I found myself lamenting less and less about my past but more excited for my future as they encouraged me to go out and try for clubs and do outreach and hey, even spend a night or two playing games at West AJ!
It helped me realize that change is good and while it’s not the same that doesn’t mean it is the worst thing in the world. Change is inevitable but it can be good. It depends on how open you are to it. As I head into next semester, my goal make sure I stay open minded and embrace change.
