I see you, girl. You’re on your grind and not stopping for anyone. You’re independent, strong-willed, goal-oriented, and your biggest competition is yourself. You can figure things out on your own and you don’t need anyone’s help along the way. However, even you, my girl boss queen, are going to need help along the way to become the best version of yourself.
And that’s totally okay.
It’s a lesson I learned the hard way. Growing up as an only child, I was incredibly independent. I started a job as soon as I turned 16 and kept up with my work schedule, I went to rehearsals and meetings without needing to plan out my day or a reminder from anyone, and my parents rarely felt the need to pressure me about keeping A’s in my classes. I applied for colleges and scholarships and only asked for help when it was absolutely necessary. I was used to figuring things out by myself and honestly, the idea of asking for help with anything at all was incredibly daunting.
One thing that girls like me learn rather quickly is that college changes everything. Your classes get harder, you have make an effort to find genuine friendships, and for many, this may be the first time you start thinking seriously about your mental health. Not only is there pressure to balance school and a social life, but the concept of taking care of yourself becomes much more than face masks and bubble baths.
For me, making this transition threw me for a loop. I went into college not knowing how to study and suddenly, the time I had previously allotted to work out, plan my meals and do things I enjoyed was limited. However, instead of asking for guidance in this new lifestyle, I geared up to figure everything out by myself.
My grades started to slip, and so did my immune system. I also became a victim to my inability to ask for guidance on this journey. Instead of asking for help from my professors or a tutor, I would stay up late at night, beyond frustrated at myself for not being able to immediately figure out complicated math problems or grammatical structures for my foreign language classes. Rather than go to a counselor when I wasn’t feeling like myself, I sat in bed and stared at my ceiling, hyper analyzing why I wasn’t good enough. Not only was I feeling less confident in myself than ever before, but I eventually had a pretty sexy case of the Hokie plague that didn’t seem to go away until after finals.
All of this fear that surrounds asking for help ultimately comes down to not wanting to look weak. For me, I had created this image of myself in my head of someone who didn’t need help from anyone else. I branded myself as a problem solver, an intelligent overachiever who can figure things out for herself.
And you know what? That’s still true! However, that image of myself was masking the fear of exposing myself as someone who wasn’t the strong woman I wanted to be perceived as.
Part of it was feeling as if asking for help made the work I had accomplished to be disingenuous. I felt as going to tutoring for hard classes made me less intelligent. I felt as if the work I was proud of wasn’t mine anymore or that what I had accomplished was less impressive because it wasn’t something that came natural to me. I would rather have failed by myself than succeeded with someone’s assistance along the way.
One day I realized that asking for help didn’t signify weakness. As a matter of fact, it reveals strength. I looked back and realized that some of my greatest accomplishments came from the times I was slightly forced to receive help. State championships, A’s in seemingly impossible classes, awards and scholarships, all of these things were possible because I had someone facilitating my success. I realized asking for help didn’t make my accomplishments disingenuous. In fact, I felt better about what I had achieved, because I knew I had put in the effort to be the best version of myself. Not only was I proud of my natural talents or intellect, I could also revel in the fact that I had done everything I could to make my work the best it could possibly be.
Admitting that you need help is the first step to getting better – and this applies to EVERYTHING. It doesn’t make you seem any less put together, it reflects your ability to analyze your strengths and weaknesses and see what you need to improve. That’s a skill that will take you everywhere in life, especially in the workplace.
There are people in this world whose job is quite literally to help you become a better version of yourself and strengthen parts of your life that are weak. Counselors, therapists, personal trainers, tutors. Struggling with a class? Go to office hours early on and build a relationship with your professors early in the semester. Find a tutor or even ask a friend to help. Scared of the gym? Schedule an appointment with a personal trainer or ask your girl gang to tackle gym-timidation with you. Think you mental health isn’t at its best? Go see a counselor. These people dedicated time to help you become a better version of yourself. They know that there are areas in your life where you are weak and their job is to turn those weak areas into strengths.
In addition to seeking help from trained professionals, seek help from your group of friends. One thing I’ve learned over time is that true friends will always be willing to assist you, no matter what the situation. From break ups to difficult classes, your girl gang should be a source of support that wants to make you the best version of yourself. If they’re not, then girllll, you need a new girl gang.
You don’t have all of the answers. You don’t have to be perfect all of the time, and good news is, absolutely no one is asking you to. The strongest women you know most definitely have had help to get them where they are today. You’re allowed to be a strong, independent woman and still acknowledge the fact that you’re not perfect all of the time. It’s okay not to know everything. It’s okay to show weakness. More than anything, it’s okay to ask for help.