There are a lot of moments in our lives when we feel lost and uncertain of who we are anymore. It may be due to grief, sadness, anger — the loss of a loved one, mental illnesses, losing a job — the list goes on and on. For me, one of those moments was the day I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, and I know now that a lot of other people share the same experience with me.
I’ve discovered throughout the past few weeks that when we are tested with an obstacle we must overcome in our lives we have two options: The first is to dwell on it and let it make us bitter and angry, the other is to let it empower us — to help us grow as individuals.
Of course choosing the second option is a lot easier said than done. Personally, I struggled with following the path of anger for awhile after my diagnosis. I was mad at myself, the world and everything I ate. I felt like I would never feel like myself again, and I couldn’t think of a worse feeling in the world.
However, I now understand that it is okay to be angry. In fact, it’s kind of amazing to get angry, to let anger be the emotion you feel most strongly because that’s when you find your strength — it’s when you find your fire.
Before when I was mad, I was mad at myself. Now, I’m mad at the eating disorder because I have an understanding that it is not who I am, it is not a part of me and certainly has no right to control me. The subject of your anger changes a lot about the other emotions attached to it. Being angry at myself caused me to feel sad and hopeless, like I wasn’t worth anything anymore. Changing my mindset on where my anger should be directed has made me feel strong, courageous and as though I have something worth fighting for — as though I am someone worth fighting for.
Everyone’s situation is different, and I am certainly not a believer in the whole ideal that “if you want to be happy, just be happy” because that’s honestly not realistic. It’s much harder than that to find happiness for some people, myself included. Happiness isn’t something you think, it’s something you feel — so I can tell myself over and over again to be happy, but until I actually find something that brightens my spirit, I’m not really going to be the happiest version of myself.
That’s not to say I believe people should be angry or hurtful to others through their struggle. I truly believe that showing kindness and understanding to others helps you discover just how much you deserve the same treatment. Happiness may not be easy to achieve, but being empathic and helping others may help you take a step toward it — I know it definitely has for me.
Whether you are currently happy, sad, mad or any other slew of emotions, remember one thing: You are entitled to any and all emotions, you are allowed to feel whatever you need to to better yourself, it’s okay to need to be alone and it’s okay to need people around, but never let how you’re feeling change who you are as a person — never let it taint your character.
Everyone is fighting their own battle, one that most of the time others never get to see. Be patient and kind to others. Be patient and kind to yourself. Understand that any experience you have can be turned into a negative or positive one, entirely dependent upon how you react to it. You may not have the power to bounce back and be happy in a day, but I promise you, you have the strength to fight whatever it is that is holding you back from being the best version of yourself there is.
I’ve felt a lot of different emotions in the past few months. Mostly sadness, very rarely happiness, and frequently a ton of anger. At first, I let these emotions change me — I became hurtful and isolated myself from everyone as a means of coping. I think that’s a typical response, to shove down your emotions so you don’t seem overly dramatic to the people around you. But, it’s not the best way to overcome an obstacle in your life, in fact it made it virtually impossible for me to overcome mine.
Emotions are powerful, and when avoided rather than actually felt, they can make you feel so small and misunderstood. Don’t let them consume you; instead, let them empower you. Let them make you better. Give them the opportunity to make you brave. Allow them to give you the power to smile on your worst day. Embrace them, understand them and find your strength within them.
Don’t let your hardships and flaws keep you from shining. They do not define you, they do not make you and believe me when I say it is incredibly important you never give them the power to break you.